The Problem with Prejudice

How many times has anyone been in a conversation with someone and you hear, "I'm not prejudice, but...."? Of course you know the next thing that is going to be said is going to be some sort of racist or derogatory remark about someone or some group of people. It happens. I'm guilty. But what if you feel, say, justified in your thoughts? This can be a troubling thing when you confront yourself with them.

Case in point. I am currently taking a class called "Understanding Diversity". On Monday, we were to present a brief summary about an article we were assigned (each of us a different one) and what we learned from it. My article was about an immigrant woman from India. Each person's was different. Now, after the articles had all been presented, somewhat of a free flow of discussion ensued. I have to admit, I was shocked and somewhat taken back by the comments that were coming from each person's mouth. I will not dignify them by repeating them, but I would have thought I was in the 1950's at a segregation meeting or something. I was disappointed that the instructor allowed them to continue as long as she did as I sat getting red-faced and somewhat shaky in my seat. She finally asked me what was on my mind and I basically said that I just didn't even know where to start. I briefly stated some of my feelings and left it at that realizing that I seemed to be the only person (other than the instructor who seems to want to keep everyone happy) who thought everyone was, well, crazy. The class continued on and I made a quick exit wondering if I could actually sit through three more classes like this.

Okay, so herein lies the problem. I got in my car and was basically fuming. Several words were coming to my mind - I'm sure you can imagine some of them - as I started the drive home anticipating unloading all of my frustrations onto my husband when I walked through the front door. (Which I did and he patiently listened.) About half way home, as I was wondering how anyone could view another human being with such contempt and loathing - I realized how much of those feelings were pulsing through my bloodstream at that very moment. I quickly tried to rationalize those thoughts by thinking that I was right to feel the way I did and they were so very wrong. I do believe they were wrong - so was I. I had to admit to myself that at the very same time God is loving all of the people they were trashing and saying horrible things about, He was loving them, too. At the same time they were lumping people into stereotypical groups - I was doing the same to them, too. I hate those moments when you realize you are guilty of the very thing you are so angry at other people for doing.

So the problem with prejudice is...it is so very hard to rise above. So, for all of you praying folks out there, keep me in your prayers next Monday evening. Pray that I would be obedient to God and not to my emotions. Pray that some light would come from me to expel any darkness that would be in that room. Pray that the words coming out my mouth would be His.

Hoping for hope to shine through-
JAH

Christmas Is Coming

Thanksgiving is now history and the start of the official Christmas season has begun. This year seems to be going by even more quickly than the previous one. I guess time does fly the older one gets.

This past Saturday, the Christmas decorations emerged from the garage, storage shed and other various creative storage spots we have tried to find. Last year, I had trouble getting in to the whole decoration scene, but this year, for some reason, I actually did a little more than I have the past few years. I think I am developing a sense of nostalgia and wish that we had, over the years, developed more traditions in our family. Growing up, my parents were the prime example of understated enthusiasm about pretty much everything. Don't get me wrong, I had a great childhood with great memories, but everything at our house was pretty low key. Now, I have no desire to have the holidays turn in to a stressful, can't-get- everything-done-that-we-always-do event, but I'm just actually really looking forward to the season this year. There is just something nice about sitting in your living room to the glow of Christmas tree lights with the soundtrack from the Charlie Brown Christmas playing in the background. Now, if only there was some gently falling snow...

Anyway...I guess my prayer for this year is to really enjoy each family moment that we can have and to focus more on the reason we celebrate this season in the first place. For so many people complaints about people not being able to say "Merry Christmas" because of the religious significance are the topic of conversation. My question is, for most of us, do we really even celebrate Christmas because of the religious significance or is it just another holiday where we buy gifts, get grumpy, overspend and over eat? I don't want to be a part of that holiday. I want to celebrate the fact that a young couple was obedient to God, Christ left heaven and came to earth in a humble way because He actually cared about all of us and because of that, we can have peace of mind and joy in our hearts and can actually pass that on to the rest of the world. Now that is something worth celebrating.

Remembering the hope that we all can have -
JAH

Happy Thanksgiving

The day is drawing to a close and it was a nice day. Although Dan was up early, I actually slept a little later than I usually would on a Thursday, which was nice. Isaac was around last night and Carrie rolled in fairly early this morning to help with the meal preparations. Drew came over and joined us as well and all in all, the meal came off without any problems. Then it was cleanup, football, nap, football, reheat, eat, and now I'm taking a little break from homework. I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, but I guess it is what it is.

It is hard to believe another Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, but I know I have much to be thankful for. I have been blessed with a great husband who has stuck by me through the good, bad and ugly for nearly 27 years of being together (almost 25 now of marriage). It's truly more than I could ever deserve, but somehow looking across the table at someone and knowing them and wanting them to know you is a feeling I can't explain. We have great kids who seem to have found people who make them happy and who they seem to want to make happy as well, which is probably the most important thing. It is great to have them here and to hear their voices in the house. Even Bogie got in on some bites of turkey and likes laying in the middle of the room keeping an eye on everyone.

Now, things are quiet. It is kind of that nice "snuggled" in feeling that I think we so often take for granted. I hope anyone who happens to read this also had family or friends to share the day with. Many blessings to you all.

JAH

Monday...But Things Are Well

Today was a pretty ordinary Monday as far as Mondays go. Work went okay - nothing too exciting, but it was a little busier than it has been, which is good for making the time move along a little quicker - dare I say, faster.

The family had a really nice weekend. Dan's birthday concert was good. Friday we went out for supper and saw American Gangster - again, good. Saturday, Dan and I went out for lunch - do you see a pattern - mine was good, his...well, not so good, but we had a nice time. Saturday afternoon I studied for my big final tonight. One class down - who knows how many more to go at this point. But, that's okay. I've started and I made it through the first one. Sunday was a great day. Carrie and Isaac were both home, which is always nice. Church went really well - had a couple of visitors even. We had another nice lunch out which included Carrie's boyfriend Drew and his friend Tom. Our friends had cake complete with candles for Dan Sunday night, which was a very nice, unexpected (sort of :) ) surprise. It still amazes me at times, even when life has seemed a little "off", you can have those days where everything seems to come together and you realize just how wonderfully blessed you are. It doesn't take too much looking around to see people who are losing their families. People who don't seem to have any hope for anything but getting a check and paying the bills. People with no one to talk to or share their day with. People who have kids that have wandered far away from them. Husbands and wives who look forward to being apart more than they look forward to being together. Yes. I have been blessed. I have no idea why, but I sure am thankful.

As some of you may know, this marks the one year anniversary of losing my mom. (Thank you Carrie for the text message this morning.) Strange term, as I didn't misplace her, but yet, just don't know exactly where she is. I know, as a Christian she is in heaven. But, when you really start to try and wrap your mind around that, you just wonder, where exactly is that. Someone can be lying there, in a hospital bed being your mom. Then, they're still right there, but now they are "gone". What happens in that split second of leaving this earth and going on to eternity? I have thought a lot about the last week of mom's life. It wasn't one I would have wished for her. She would have been much happier to have simply fallen asleep in her recliner watching the guys working out in the yard. I guess that is what is the hardest part in some ways - not that she's gone, which is inevitable, but how she had to leave. For four and a half days I talked with her, not knowing if she could heard a word I said, but I hope she somehow knew that she wasn't alone. I guess maybe that's all we can hope for as we leave this world and go to the next one. The red bird is for her. Red was by far her favorite color and she always had bird feeders out on her porch.

To my family and friends who read this, know that you mean the world to me. Along with my faith, you all give me great hope.

JAH

Time Passing

Another month has begun which is bringing a close to this year. This past year has brought about many changes in life - but I guess life is always going to be full of change.

Although not trying to dwell on things, it was a year ago today that I had my last conversation with my mom. I wish I could say it was some sort of deep, spiritual experience, but it mainly consisted of me trying to get someone to understand that she wasn't feeling well and that there was no way Dan and I could take her out of the hospital. I hated seeing her look frightened and being of little comfort. Sometimes I can remember things in little details, other times, it is just kind of a blur. However, the night before this, we watched Jeopardy, we visited, she wanted to know what I was planning on doing with the piano, she hoped all of us kids wouldn't fight over things. It is almost as if she knew she wasn't going home again...

I think mom would say she had a good life. She had some hard times, losing dad when they were only in their mid-50s, which is seeming younger and younger to me everyday. She was always happy that we all wanted to spend time with her, liked hanging out in her kitchen, and her grandkids would always stop in to say "hello" when they were around. She had friends in the neighborhood that she visited with and basically spent her entire life in an area of about 10 square miles except for her time at college and student teaching. I wonder sometimes if you begin to be conscious of the fact that you are not going home again. That you will not tell the person you have slept next to for years "good night and I love you" again. Not trying to be sad, but just trying to realize that time on this earth is finite. It will not last forever. My friend Joan had a post about the words we say. I guess that's what made me think about it. One thing I will always be thankful for is good memories of my parents - I am quite certain not everyone has them.

On another note - Dan and I get to go see John Mellencamp tonight for an early birthday celebration - Happy Birthday tomorrow, my dear. I think a concert will be a good thing. We used to not live in a place where we could do things like this, so I'm glad we are able to take advantage of those opportunities now.

Keeping the hope alive -
JAH