How many times has anyone been in a conversation with someone and you hear, "I'm not prejudice, but...."? Of course you know the next thing that is going to be said is going to be some sort of racist or derogatory remark about someone or some group of people. It happens. I'm guilty. But what if you feel, say, justified in your thoughts? This can be a troubling thing when you confront yourself with them.
Case in point. I am currently taking a class called "Understanding Diversity". On Monday, we were to present a brief summary about an article we were assigned (each of us a different one) and what we learned from it. My article was about an immigrant woman from India. Each person's was different. Now, after the articles had all been presented, somewhat of a free flow of discussion ensued. I have to admit, I was shocked and somewhat taken back by the comments that were coming from each person's mouth. I will not dignify them by repeating them, but I would have thought I was in the 1950's at a segregation meeting or something. I was disappointed that the instructor allowed them to continue as long as she did as I sat getting red-faced and somewhat shaky in my seat. She finally asked me what was on my mind and I basically said that I just didn't even know where to start. I briefly stated some of my feelings and left it at that realizing that I seemed to be the only person (other than the instructor who seems to want to keep everyone happy) who thought everyone was, well, crazy. The class continued on and I made a quick exit wondering if I could actually sit through three more classes like this.
Okay, so herein lies the problem. I got in my car and was basically fuming. Several words were coming to my mind - I'm sure you can imagine some of them - as I started the drive home anticipating unloading all of my frustrations onto my husband when I walked through the front door. (Which I did and he patiently listened.) About half way home, as I was wondering how anyone could view another human being with such contempt and loathing - I realized how much of those feelings were pulsing through my bloodstream at that very moment. I quickly tried to rationalize those thoughts by thinking that I was right to feel the way I did and they were so very wrong. I do believe they were wrong - so was I. I had to admit to myself that at the very same time God is loving all of the people they were trashing and saying horrible things about, He was loving them, too. At the same time they were lumping people into stereotypical groups - I was doing the same to them, too. I hate those moments when you realize you are guilty of the very thing you are so angry at other people for doing.
So the problem with prejudice is...it is so very hard to rise above. So, for all of you praying folks out there, keep me in your prayers next Monday evening. Pray that I would be obedient to God and not to my emotions. Pray that some light would come from me to expel any darkness that would be in that room. Pray that the words coming out my mouth would be His.
Hoping for hope to shine through-
JAH
2 comments:
I'm so glad you posted about this, Jane. And while you've made a great point about how blind we can be to our own intolerance to others, I do think what you experienced fuming in the car on the way home really is different than the reactions people in your class gave about others (your instincts about how this class was going to go were right on, I guess!). Righteous indignation about injustice (and stupidity) is an OK thing, I think. It would have been disappointing if you had heard those comments and not been angry and upset. What is really disappointing is that the instructor is not doing something different. No doubt, you are in that class for a really specific reason (and not just to give your blood pressure a good work out). Please do keep sharing about this experience. I hope you will be able to feel us holding you up in prayer!
Joan -
Thanks for the encouragement. It's funny how going to a class can be about so much more than learning information...which is a good thing.
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