Not So Radical

Today I am not feeling like my hope is any too radical. True, I do have hope in this life and in the life to come, but it is definitely not a radical feeling. I guess one has to make choices and decisions and cannot go merely on feelings, but I think my emotional state is somewhat unstable at present and I'm not all together certain as to why. I am not saying I am in a bad emotional state - just emotional. I have never been one to cry easily - but lately, I think I could cry pretty easily. Things that make me happy make me want to cry. Things that make me sad - things that make me feel old..er. I don't really know how to describe it, but I guess I will just accept that one goes through times like these and maybe even that this kind of a time is a good thing.

Maybe it is Neil Young's fault. We've been watching his new DVD and it is somewhat nostalgic in nature - reflective. One thing I do realize is that I have a very blessed life. I have a great husband, great daughter, great son. I would not change that part of my life in anyway. I just want to gather them together and make definite mental images in my mind of all of our moments that we get to share. I want to be aware of my surroundings and take a snapshot as I know they may not ever be exactly like this again. It is not that I want time to stand still, because that is not a good thing, but I want to really start to take it all in and hold those little, cool things in my heart. Like sharing nachos with Dan and talking about what's going on. Like listening to each of the kids talk and realizing that they have become their own individual with ideas and plans.

I need to be more thankful for my life. I need to get more radical again in my hope for what God has in store for us...

JAH

Untitled

That is kind of how I feel today - untitled. I think I have felt too many emotions these past few weeks and I'm not sure where I am. I know there are things I need to do and things I want to do. I feel like there is a way I should be and a way that I am. Getting from point A to point B is sometimes the hard part. I read my husband's blog a little while ago and it reminded me that the journey may be just as important as any current destination. We all need to enjoy our moments as they are given. I believe I have even written something like this before, but somehow I forget.

Lord, help me enjoy the moments in the journey. Help me to remember I don't have to accomplish everything at once. Thank you for the wonderful family you have given me to share the trip.

Fire up in me some radical hope...

JAH

The Ladder

Sometimes I wonder if I am climbing up a ladder or going down a ladder. On the one hand, I still feel like I am climbing a ladder of sorts. You know, I am still learning new things - like using this laptop - that there are still new adventures and experiences to be had. Within one week, our son turned 18, he graduated from high school, and our daughter turned 21. Sometimes that makes me feel like I'm going down the ladder. The next generation is taking their place. I am probably going to need to admit that I am at middle age.

Maybe instead of going down a ladder, I should think of it as switching to a different ladder. I guess in some ways our experiences and adventures are going to change. Our roles are going to change. But as I have often said to others and I must now say to myself, change is not a bad word. Change can be a good thing. A new thing. I cannot wait to see where life takes our kids. They are really great kids. They think and have great ideas. They don't always follow the crowd. They have opinions and they share them with us and with others. In some ways, they are both wise beyond their years and have taught us many things. I want to take it all in as they make their way in this crazy world. I hope they can experience many great things and that they will both find great people to share them with.

I will admit, there are many mixed emotions as you see your children becoming less dependent on you, but a great deal of satisfaction can come as you see them make choices, but still ask for advice every now and then.

So, I guess that is it. I am not going down a ladder, but I am still on a journey. I guess ladders have an ending, but roads can go on for a long time. I like this road and have been so blessed with a great husband and great kids to share it with.

Thank you Lord for this life. Help me to enjoy each day and not worry about the curves and hills in the road. I don't want to be complacent about this life. Remind me of all the joy that has been and will be in my life because of You and Your Love for us. Keep me in Your Radical Hope.

JAH