What is Joy-Full?

Already slacking on the blog posts, but I guess it's still an improvement....

Yesterday we had a speaker at church talking about the importance of knowing what brings us joy and then making sure we make time for those things in our life. He related things back to when he was a child and remembering the things that he did that brought him joy - like riding his bike. So, I have been thinking about this a little bit and was asking myself the question...what brings me joy? Not just being happy about something...but the joy that can be found regardless of what else is going on around me.

Of course, there are some obvious things. Knowing I can come home to a husband that I love and that loves me brings me joy no matter what kind of day/week/month I had. Seeing my kids as incredible adults and gaining all of those life experiences that growing up brings makes me joyful. Grandkids...well that goes without saying. But in thinking about it, there are a few other little things that bring me joy. I like to cook a good meal or good food and share it with family and/or friends. (I remember making up crazy food concoctions when I was young and my dad always ate them.) Also, when I was younger, I was happy when I was outside. Teaching used to bring me a lot of joy when someone connected with something I was sharing or when I would see someone write something down (of course, I assumed it was something they wanted to remember in a positive way). Having a new revelation of a Scripture brings me joy. Knowing that I just learned something I didn't know before.

So, there you have it. Now if I can just remember that these are the things I should be spending my time on or somehow bringing the possibility of these joyful moments into those areas of my life that do not provide a lot of joy.

This is the year I will turn 50. Hard to believe where that many years have gone. There have been those years that sucked and there have been those years where everything seemed right with the world and a lot of years that were a combination of both. Hopefully when I look back at 2014, I will see that I have made time for joy: my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my friends and yes, my God.

A Healthy 2014

I suppose like most people, when a new year begins, I start to think about losing weight, exercising, etc. But this year, I hope to go beyond that and just feel healthy - spiritually, mentally and, yes, physically.

Although running was a pretty regular part of 2013, feeling an overall sense of health somewhat escaped me due to the circumstances of life. And, I suppose I should accept responsibility for the way I reacted to some of them. But, that is all history and a new year has begun.

From a physical aspect, I put back on way more weight than I wanted to after losing quite a bit in 2012. So, I have started on the New Lifestyle Diet. It is pretty similar to the one I did before, but it is way less expensive. It is a protein-based diet which seemed to work well for me so I'm going for it again. (Dan is joining me in this as well - or I'm joining him, either which way, we're doing it together.) Hopefully, since I only has about 1/3 of the total weight to lose, it won't take too long. The key this time is to then not go crazy when the goal is reached. Being on a diet is not the way I want to live, I just want to learn to make healthier eating a way of life. I admit, I like food. I like to eat. I like to cook. Learning that I can still do these things but do them healthier is my overall goal. Taking satisfaction in creating a good meal that is healthy is even more rewarding than just one that tastes good. In addition, exercise has got to get back into the routine of life. Last year, with Dan's help, I did my first half-marathon. I was happy to finish, but I know I could have done a lot better had I not had the additional weight and had trained more diligently. So, the walking has begun and hopefully the running is soon to follow. I will be much happier when the running can take place outside. (I am a cold-weather whimp.)

Then there is the mental. I have to say, I have never felt as negative as I did last year. To put honest, there were so many people I was hurt by. Granted, we all get hurt, but this seemed to be too much all at once. I know I could have handled it all better. I started to feel very sorry for myself. Life wasn't fair. This wasn't supposed to turn out this way. And on and on and on.... Maybe that is something I just had to go through, but I probably camped out there for way too long. And yes, I still visit there on a fairly regular basis. So, I'm working on it. I'm trying to concentrate on just how blessed I am in this life. I have an awesome husband whom I love dearly, wonderful kids, grandkids, family, friends. All of the basic necessities of life I have in abundance. These are the thoughts that need to occupy my mind and with God's help and the help of those mentioned above, I know it will come without as many trips to the "dark side" of my mind.

Finally, the spiritual. My life in this area has really pretty much sucked and I have no one to blame but myself. I admit I gave up. It just didn't seem worth it anymore. I really didn't vocalize that to many people, but I know that's what I did. I am so thankful that we have found a church. I know we may not be there forever, but for the time being it has seemed to be just what we needed. Case in point... Just received an email that the series beginning in February is going to be about developing a healthy lifestyle incorporating all of the above. I am really looking forward to the affirmation of my endeavors.

So, there you have it. Here's to a good year. And life.

Snowy Sunday - Thinking about the middle of the night call....

We are currently getting quite a bit of snow. It has been awhile since I remember getting this much snow. Things are being closed, called off and cancelled pretty much across the board. It is quite beautiful to look at, but I'm glad we are in for the day.

This past week, I was recalling a few conversations I've had with different people over the years about "the middle of the night call..."  Now usually, when your phone rings during the night - the news on the other end is probably not going to be good. There are those exceptions...a grandchild has arrived, or the engagement is official, etc., but for the most part, your heart starts beating really fast for a reason as your mind tries to become coherent enough to understand what the person on the other end of the call is trying to tell you.

The conversation just eluded to, was regarding who would you call at 2 a.m. if you needed to? If tragedy struck? If the relationship ended? If you weren't sure you could make it another day? How many of us have those kind of relationships? Would you be willing to be the friend that would receive that call?

Lots of questions I suppose and no easy answers. But yet, I think this is the kind of friend we are all called to be. Granted, some of us are blessed with spouses and children that we could call in an emergency or who would most likely already be with us, but what if they weren't? What if they were the emergency? Sadly to say, I'm not sure who I would call. Who I could call. I do have family - most of which are hours away who I could call, but who would not be able to be there in a matter of minutes. There were a few others that I thought I could call, but for one reason or another are no longer part of my life.

So, all of this to say...I want to work on that. I want to have friendships where I could be that person for someone or know of people that could be that person for me (or for us). I went to a conference years ago where the speaker was talking about friendships, specifically between women, but I think it works regardless of gender. She said that many friendships can survive long distances, some can even survive long absences, but those that can survive conflict are few and far between. I agree. And, I think that's wrong. Conflict is tiring. Confrontation is so uncomfortable and stressful. But what is the alternative?

Once again, I do have hope - not just for the new year, but in general. To me, as long as we are asking questions, there are possibilities. As we keep looking - there are things to be found. Unfortunately, some relationships have an expiration date and I am learning to accept that. But, to those in my life - thank you for sticking around. Call me anytime.  :)

TGIF

So glad that Friday is here. Today's meetings about made my head explode. I'm sure it will all be fine - I need to remind myself to take one thing at a time...and to be thankful for all that's good. So many people that I care about have had such a rough go of it this past several months.

Fridays are the day that Dan and I always go out to dinner. It's been our date night for years and I so appreciate that. We usually end up with our small group of friends - it's been a good time, especially this past year.

We are starting a new Bible study with Drew & Carrie and I am looking forward to learning again. Again, this past year has taken a toll on all of us - but I know that God never leaves, even through the crap - both our own and what we get from others. Trying to get back to that radical hope - but for now I'll be content with just being hopeful.

Another Year Begins

The calendar has changed over to yet another year - 2014. I'm not going to make any big commitment about blogging again, because it may or may not happen and that's okay.

This past year has seemed like five years. Lots of not-so-good stuff happened this year and I am still trying to process through most of it and hopefully learn from it. Maybe this will be a good place to break a few things down now and then because to look at the whole year in its entirety is not something I can or really want to do at this point.

However, that being said, this was a year of some really good stuff, too. Dan and I were able to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. In honor of this, we took our first family vacation in years. By family - I mean everyone (Dan, Me, Drew, Carrie, Anna, Bennett, Isaac & Ricci). We headed down to Myrtle Beach and enjoyed a nice, relaxing week together. Probably won't be doing something like that every year, but hope we can every few years, and for sure, try to make more time to get together this year. Later on in November, Dan and I took a long weekend trip to Mexico - just the two of us. We needed it and it was good.

Also, we were blessed to have Isaac and Ricci's wedding in September. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful couple. We were so happy to be able to share that day with a lot of our family and friends. Days like that give a sort of hope for the future.

We also found out that we will be having another grandchild this spring. So, there is already one exciting family event on the calendar for 2014.

We have started to attend church at a new place - Grace Gathering in New Haven. Slowly starting to get involved and are thankful that it has been a good place of healing for us (the Feipels too).

Dan started his first day on a new job today. Very proud of him and trust this came along at the right time. He has had so much to deal with this past year and it is time for him to be able to enjoy more of life. Very thankful for the family and friends who have stood by us.

This is it for today. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow - or maybe not. Guess we'll wait and see.

Tuesday.

Well, here it is the 3rd day of a new year. Wish I could say it was starting off on a positive note, but not so much. What is a person to do?

Sometimes trying to understand people can zap one of every ounce of energy. Why is it that what can seem to make perfect sense to some makes no sense to someone else? Maybe it is me (us) - maybe it is them, either way, it is exhausting.

Trying to change my medicine today - hopefully this will straighten that part of life out. Guess we'll wait and see.

Start of New Year

So much has changed in life since my last post - no point in trying to update it all. So here it goes for a new year - 2012. That seems very crazy to think about - that year, but here it is upon us and it will probably fly by as quickly as the last one.

Dan and I started this new year in Illinois. We went back to pick up a pool table that his cousin had in Brimfield, Illinois. It was actually Dan's pool table at one time, but had ventured to Minnesota, then back to Illinois, and is now residing in our basement in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. I think it will be fun to have - I am terrible, but that's okay. It is still fun.

I have a bunch of ideas for that "stuff I want to do this year" list milling around in my head, but this year, more than some in the past, seems to be filled with a little more uncertainty. So, I will keep the list in my head for now but will try to get it written down at some point.

Later today, we hope to make it over to the Klings to hear about their mission trip to the Dominican Republic. I'm sure they will have some interesting stories to tell. Tomorrow it will be back to work - hopefully things will be fairly low key this week in that respect as people get back into their pre-holiday routines.

Tonight I could probably just wrap up in a quilt and lay on the couch but not sure what the agenda holds.

Trying to stay hopeful for 2012...

Out the Window

Currently, I am staring out the window from the drive-up at work. I probably should be doing my homework or looking over a new program manual that I am going to have to know or study all the materials I got from the seminar I just had to go to, but for now, I am just going to look out the window at the trees behind the bank because I don't think I can absorb any more information right at this moment.

Our daughter Carrie just stopped by on her way to help Drew fix up their first apartment. She is extremely excited about how it is looking which is so good to see. She thought she was going to have to work tonight, but due to over staffing was given the opportunity to take off and help move stuff. I am glad she made that choice when given the option. I am anxious for Dan and I to get to see their place. It is all still hard for me to believe - this time the move out will not be temporary but that is good and the way it is supposed to be.

Last night Dan and I got to learn the Tango and the Hustle (which our teacher described as not John Travolta style - bummer). The Tango was a little difficult for me, but Dan seemed to remember this morning when we practiced. We may try our first "dance party" tomorrow night. We have six to get in before the end of the year! I just hope everyone doesn't get too dressed up - but I'm not thinking anyone will kick us out or anything.

Still been thinking a lot about the Michael Card concert we attended Monday night. I really like listening to him as he is mellow both in demeanor and style. His lyrics are always powerful and I had forgotten about all of the songs I used to listen to so much. (Plus there was a cello - need I say more.) I think maybe it would be good to start listening to some of them again. I think what we fill ourselves with - especially from a musical standpoint - can make such a difference. Lyrics stick with you - positive or not so positive. I remember the song that says, "It's hard to imagine the freedom you find, from the things you leave behind." When we were getting ready to sell our house in Illinois and move to Ohio, I played that song a lot. To me it wasn't necessarily meaning "things" in the literal sense like a home, job, and all the stuff we had to sell. To me "things" can mean control of and security in the familiar. At least to the extent that we think we have control and security. I wasn't necessarily happy to leave our family and friends, but I definitely felt a sense of purpose for our family - like we were actually acting on our faith and totally depending on God like we never had before. I don't feel so purposeful now - suppose no one feels that way all of the time. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm really acting on my faith so much anymore either. Why is that? I don't know...

The trees sure do look pretty. I am looking forward to going home and sharing a frozen pizza with Dan...

Trying to Come Back

I have been thinking about trying to write a little bit again - I have no idea why, but it just seems that a lot of thoughts can be swimming around in one's head and then you that seemingly brilliant thought you had that never seems to return again.

We have a lot of stuff going on in our lives right now and maybe recording some of them would be of great benefit later or would at least be interesting to go back and look at. Probably one of the bigger "events" we have ever participated in as a family will be happening in a very short while. Carrie Jade Horwedel will be starting a new life with Drew in less than six weeks. It is amazing to me as a parent how this could be happening as it seems not that long ago that she was heading off to school with a bright pink lunchbox. The old cliche is so true - time flies. I suppose as her mother, there will be some tears shed - but not sad tears at all, just happy ones. I am so excited for her and for Drew and for the adventure they will be starting. I suppose I will worry some days about how they are doing, are they happy, are things turning out as they had hoped. However, I will do my best to trust them into His hands and know that they can get through those bad days and celebrate each good one. All I will say about this right now - emotions are pretty close to the surface. :)

Dan and I are taking dance lessons and are having a great time. Who would have thought? Not only is it fun, but it is at least one night a week where the concerns on my mind seem to melt away to somewhere else. I hope Dan gets that same benefit even though I let my feet get in the way sometimes.

Then there is work....not going there today.

Church seems to be going well. Our Sunday School Class has begun the NOOMA video series and have had some really good discussions. The topics aren't light - which I think is good. Most of the people there have had some sort of church exposure for quite awhile and I'm glad we seem to be going a little deeper and people seem to be sharing a little more. We are also still doing the Charis House suppers one evening a month, and that has turned out to be a good thing as well. I just wish I could do more - but see comment above and we'll move on...

Still going to school but am seeing a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Six more classes to go and I will be DONE! The class I am currently in is giving me some fits - mostly because I cannot concentrate on any of it and pretty much don't care right now. I know my next teacher as I have had her for a couple of classes and liked both of them really well. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my "A" streak is about to come to a close and I need to just get over it and move on the next one. Such is life.

Well, it is time to go back to work as much lunch break is over and the tomato soup is gone. Maybe now that I have actually sat down and given this a little bit of a new look I can get back in gear.

Reminder to self: Write about the MC concert.

Contemplation

It is always interesting to me to search google images with a single word and see exactly what comes up. As the title suggests, I typed in "contemplation" and got quite a wide range of pictures, but this one was toward the beginning and I kind of liked it, so here it is.

I have been contemplating several things over the last few weeks and I'm sure everyone who stops by here from time to time is sick of my "road to relaxation" picture, so here it goes in totally random order.

Politics: It comes as no surprise to anyone that this subject has been on the news just a little bit lately. Now, I really don't consider myself affiliated with any particular party and I can say that I agree with a few things in both camps but not a lot of things in either. I have begun to wonder how to line up the whole mess with those things that I hold most important in regard to my beliefs as a Christian.

I do believe, without doubt, that the only hope I can completely put my trust in for this life and the life after this, is the hope that Christ gives. I cannot believe that any one person (or party) can set things right. God has been about the business of trying to reconcile us back to Himself ever since that nasty incident in the garden many, many years ago. As far as I can see, He has the only plan that is going to set this world right and I may or may not ever see it fulfilled in my lifetime on this earth, but trust I will see it all unfold in the next. That being said, I do believe it is each of our responsibility to do what we can to line up our attitudes, the way that we live our lives and how we treat others with the example He gave us when He sent Christ down to earth.

Then of course, there is the other issue of country first. Now, at the risk of being considered unpatriotic, I have to say that God is really abundantly clear that He is to be first in our lives. I don't think there is any place where I have read that He gives exception to that. However, on the contrary, He gives lots of examples of what happens when we move Him on down the list. It gets pretty ugly. What keeps coming to my mind is when Jesus is asked, in my humble paraphrase, to let people know what commands are the most important in this life. He simply puts it to love God with all your heart, soul and mind and to love others as yourself. So again, I have sleepless nights and wonder, how do our country's politics line up with that and what should our role as Christians be? What does it mean to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us? What does it mean to not be prideful? What does it mean to take care of the poor and the outcasts? What does it mean to put Christ first? By the way, if you have some simple answers to these complex questions...you scare me.

School: I started back to school in July and am on my second class of four this semester. I actually should be done in the spring of 2010 and can graduate at the same time as Isaac (although hopefully not on the same weekend)! I had to take a temperament test tonight and mine came out as the "idealist". Now, given my recent history, this made me smile because I would have not described myself that way, but I hope at some point it holds true. It tells me that I want to help people grow and fulfill their potential, which would make me happy. I do enjoy teaching, which was one of the items it mentioned, so that would seem to line up. Hopefully, someday, I will be helping someone fulfill another potential other than making a pizza! I guess time will tell....

Home: The past several months, I (as well as Dan, I believe) have been quite homesick. For me, it is somewhat odd, because once you move away from your hometown, you associate home with where you grew up. I believe it is in the movie Garden State when the main character says it is a strange feeling when you realize the house you grew up in isn't home anymore. The homesick feeling seems to have subsided and that feels good. I think I will stop with this here.

So, back to the beginning, "contemplation". Sometimes I don't think we wrestle with ideas and question things enough. I know I have been guilty of this. Asking ourselves tough questions - you know, the ones without answers, is hard. But, I guess it is in the questioning that we can really learn about ourselves and what is important us. I know that Dan is important to me and makes my world a better place. Without him, the void in my life would be immense. Loving him and being loved by him brings me peace. I know how blessed I am to have children like Carrie and Isaac who question things and want to realize their own potential as well as change the world around them. Their happiness makes me happy. There are friends, past and present that have had a great impact on my life and for them, I am thankful. More and more I have been thinking about what it really means to be a Christian and how my life should be different because of that fact. Yes, contemplation is a good thing.

Until the next time, keep the hope alive -
JAH

Road to Relaxation

When I typed in the word "relaxation" in google images, this picture came up entitled "Road to Relaxation". I liked it, so here it is.

In case you were all wondering why I would do a search on this topic, my class session has come to a close tonight and I am pretty happy about that. The last five weeks have been a little bit more hectic in the school department because I was taking two classes. Now I know that taking two classes really doesn't sound like all that much, but when you are in a program that crams a three hour college course into five weeks - doubling that is well, crazy stuff. Why would I do that? Because last session my wonderful husband Dan and I were celebrating 25 years of marriage in a wonderful place that was incredibly beautiful (and wonderful) and relaxing and I wasn't about to ruin or interfere with our time together by worrying about homework. That would have seemed really crazy!

So, back to my classes. The one I had on Tuesday evenings was in Organizational Behavior. This class was incredibly interesting and I felt like it had so many applications to life that even if I never use it on some professional level, it was worth the time because it had good, personal relevance. Unless a person lives under a rock, which although tempting at times is not very practical or comfortable, we all have to deal with groups of people. It is interesting how many principles apply whether you are talking about work groups, church groups, family groups or whatever group you belong to. Our teacher is actually a full-time instructor at the Pendleton Correctional Facility and he had great illustrations for our topics. I am hoping to get an "A" in the class, but the final was pretty tough and I had an eight page paper to turn in about the communication process where I work. I probably could have written a book - but that is another story that will probably not be told until I work somewhere else. Dan and I were able to have some really good discussions on leadership and group dynamics which made it even more worthwhile to me.

Then there was marketing on Thursday nights. Although I'm sure this subject matter is interesting and could even be fun, I really didn't like this class. I'm not going to use this cyber space to completely be negative about an instructor that so many people in the class seemed to like, but there you have it. I guess I just didn't connect very well to his style of teaching. I'll just leave it at that.

So, I have now completed six classes. The decision will need to be made about where to go from here. I like going to school in general, but my goals after completion of this degree are pretty hazy. It will probably not come as a huge shock to anyone that the prospect of working at a pizza place for the rest of my natural life is not really all that exciting to me. The problem is, I don't want to just get another job to replace this one, I want it to mean something...anything. Now don't get me wrong, I believe one can have a positive influence and even a definite purpose no matter where their particular job is located. I do believe that everything we do should be done "as unto the Lord" or however that is worded. Right now, I'm not thinking the Lord is overly pleased with what I'm doing unto Him (no disrespect intended or implied). I actually do believe that I had somewhat of a purpose when I began working there --gulp--almost eight years ago. But, I'm just not feeling it anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I believe we are witnesses wherever we go, but being a negative one probably wasn't the whole idea. When I began there I actually felt like I stood for something - now I feel like just another employee who is critical and impatient. I don't like myself too much in this regard and sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and wonder who slipped a lemon into my mouth when I wasn't looking.

So, I ask myself if I could do anything...yeah that great question...what would I do? I think the thing I enjoy most is teaching. My only experience with it has been more in a church setting, but I really do like it. I don't know that one has to have the title "teacher" to teach, but if I could somehow have that role, I would like that. There, all of this rambling in my mind and on this blog and it has finally come out. I still have no idea what to do with it, but it's out there.

Well, my mind is tired and I think I am done for today. I stayed up late last night working on a marketing plan that was a group project. It was supposed to be 25 pages long - five pages per person. Another classmate and I basically rewrote the whole thing yesterday and last night and today. I believe it was graded in less than five minutes. We did get an "A" but somehow it seemed like I should have at least gotten a sticker or something. Of course my five page, five essay question final was graded during my trip to the bathroom. I got an "A" on that, too, no sticker. The one saving thing of the night was that he actually read the marketing interview I did - thanks Joan - and said it was really good and the most unique one he had been given. I'm assuming I got an "A" on that, too, although he didn't give it back to me. Okay, I didn't just leave it at that. Such is life.

Keep that hope alive -
JAH

May 14, 1983

Here is a picture of a picture of the big day. I remember it rained that morning, but by the time of our wedding, the sun had come out and it was really quite nice. If I recall correctly, the ceremony started at 6:30 pm and probably lasted about 1/2 hour. It was all really quite simple by today's standards, but it worked out just fine for us. Twenty-five years later, we have a lot of great memories and have two great children as a result, too! I was 17 years old when Dan asked me to marry him - he was 18 - and 19 - he was 20 - when I was at the front of the church with him. The rest, as they say, is history... Thanks, dear for 25 years!

Vacation Thoughts

Some random thoughts I had on our vacation:
Day 2 - 4/10/08
The staff here is incredibly gracious.
The ocean water is the most beautiful blue.
Palm tress against a blue sky are absolutely soothing.
The sound of waves coming to shore is hypnotic.
Lounging on the beach next to Dan is just what I dreamed it would be.
It is simply beautiful here.
It is fun to hear so many different languages being spoken.

Day 4 - 4/12/08
Relaxing isn't always easy, but it is worth it.
Salmon, cream cheese and tomatoes on bread seems to be a breakfast food for many people.
Sometimes a person just really needs to sleep.
Learning another language would be a good thing.
Even though there is an abundance of food and drink all around, a person doesn't have to overeat...or over-drink.
Bob Marley music on the beach in the evening with the noise of the ocean in the background is something to be enjoyed.
I do not know where I am on a map and have no idea how to get anywhere from where I am. It is kinda strange.
The weather here seems to be beautiful everyday. Blue skies, nice breeze.
There are a lot of different people in this world. Put them around a pool and they all seem to get along and respect each other's stuff.
Dressing up for dinner is really kind of nice.

Day 6 - 4/14/08
I usually have no idea what time it is.
It is going to be very hard to go back to the routine of life. It will be strange not be with Dan all day long.
I am going to the spa at 11 am. That is the first scheduled time I have had for anything since the day we arrived.
Having your first cup of coffee outside under blues skies and palm trees makes it much more enjoyable - and you feel no need to gulp it down.
I do not want to back to work - but this is all the time I'll give that thought right now.
There is no traffic noise here. The only motorized sound you hear is the occasional weed trimmer.
I finished an entire book in two afternoons and plan to start another today.

I didn't write anything else down after this day, but I want to record for history that this way the best vacation we have ever had. Dan and I felt totally privileged and grateful that we were able to go to such a place. We actually left on our trip on what would have been my mom's 83rd birthday. She would have been really happy that we used some of the money we have because of her to do something like this. She always told me that we should take a trip because we will remember that long after we would remember a thing that we had bought. She was a very wise woman as I don't think I will ever forget it.

Staying hopeful -
Jah

A Friday

The countdown in my mind to vacation is definitely starting to be a loud voice in my head. Thirteen days from now, Dan and I should be laying on a beach or at least be able to see one from the pool. That is a very nice thought to me. It's been forever since we've had a real vacation and I am ready! Okay, I have that out of the way....

The other day, I ordered a beach bag from a company called Trade As One (thanks, Joan) and I have to say, I really like it. It is made from lime green rice bags and appears to be quite sturdy and just the right size. I am glad I went with the medium sized one, because from its size, the large one must also double as a sleeping bag in emergencies. It folds nice and flat so it won't take up much room in my suitcase, which is good. It would also seem to be quite water resistant - also good. The other thing I like about it as opposed to other big beach bags I've seen, is that it is lined, has pockets on the inside with zippers and the whole thing actually zips closed. I also have a feeling I won't mix it up with someone else's bag as it is quite unique. All of that, and the money actually helped to further someone's craft while supporting them financially. Good buy.

After my last post, I had been searching the internet for a place to buy some coffee for our church. I just wanted to buy a little to see how it tasted, etc. I was becoming quite discouraged that we were not going to be able to buy enough to make it cost effective due to the shipping prices, which were about as much as the coffee. I finally had the idea to go to a local co-op grocery store in Ft. Wayne and - yeah - they had it there. It is quite a cool place to go as well and their produce department makes the ones at some of the regular groceries look pretty bad. I also bought an onion, by the way, which was quite yummy in our omelet last night. Our son, Isaac, also informed me that you can buy fair trade coffee at Kroger as well, so I bought a little bag there to try. (It was a little cheaper, but the other place is, well, more interesting). I think supporting the local produce growers would be a good thing this summer and we actually have someone right down the road!

Last week Dan and I had an "interesting" experience at our usual Sunday night location. There were a couple of people in there who were more than just "under the influence" and the whole thing, although somewhat annoying, was really quite sad. The two people in question were really quite different from one another. One was a young man, late twenties who was giving the impression that he was quite successful in his work and quite popular with the ladies in the towns he traveled to. The other was a woman who was there with a person who appeared to be her husband. She was probably in her forties. Both of them were being quite loud and then they started in on each other. From a personal standpoint, I was getting quite uncomfortable with the whole situation and probably could have just left. There are many different angles to take in observing this event, but I'll just go with the one that really struck me. This woman's husband, or whatever he was, apologized, said she was an alcoholic and tried to get her to leave. She was not cooperating in any way and was finally asked to leave by the manager. The man with her never raised his voice or seemed to get angry. I watched them walk out the door with him holding her hand the whole way, talking quietly to her. Now, I have absolutely no idea where they came from or what their story was. But it seemed to me, there was someone who really cared about this woman, even with all her apparent problems. You just don't see that too much in situations like that. However, I think that is what is expected of all of us. You know, to care about each other even with all of our obvious flaws and problems. Not to condone everyone's actions, but to still care about the people. You know, "but for the grace of God, there goes me...." Maybe that's what I saw that night, grace in action.

Finally, another class is checked off my list and I am glad for that. Of course, the next one begins next week and I have a bunch of reading to do.

That's all for now...

JAH

Coffee Anyone??

Yesterday our Sunday School class took off on a slightly different path than we had been. Since teaching a class at our church, I've always seemed to have an interesting mix of people. We don't do the "age segregation" so the people can have a pretty wide range of life experiences from being a current college student to having grandchildren in college. Personally, I like it - having all of those different perspectives.

Anyway...our class had been using a service called The Wired Word which takes current news events and tries to discuss them from a Christian-Biblical perspective. I have to admit, some weeks they really had to reach to get a lesson, but they did it. Well, thanks to my friend Joan who is currently working at Sojourners, I found that they also had some "current events" studies that I could download for little of nothing and make copies of (I stay within the 10 copy limit). I have had this study sitting in my basket on the bookshelf for a long time and kept thinking it probably wouldn't work for my current class, but yet I kept looking at it so I went for it this past week. To sum up, it deals with the current issue of slavery in our world today and it went over better than I had expected. One woman in the class had actually read all of the articles and started several sentences with, "I never knew..." Now she does, along with a handful of other people, so this is progress to me.

One of the quotes we focused on in class was in an article entitled "A Soul On Fire":

I claim my own name and my place in society daily in confrontations with what I am prepared to live with and what I am not. My claim is implicit in my ability to say yes or no. It asks whose rules have power over me and whose do not.

Sometimes I think the problems in our world, although this is a big oversimplification, I'm sure, boil down to the fact that most of us have decided that we can live with more than we should. When I asked why, the woman who had read all of the articles made a great observation when she said, "because if we think we can't live with it, that means we have to do something and most of us don't want to do that". Bingo.

In trying to bring the class to a close and in trying to say, maybe we should do something, I suggested that we take on the project of buying Fair Trade Coffee for our church. I asked them not to answer but to think about it because this was going to require a commitment. They agreed and I am supposed to get the numbers together for them. Now I know we could do this, I just hope we do. I put it to them this way, we will not stop the problems in the coffee world by buying this for our church, but at least we can stop contributing to them. I also gave them some info about a great company called Divine Chocolate.

I'm not sure why this idea of Fair Trade has been on my mind - I'm quite certain the morphine from the previous week has worn off, etc., but I think I need to do something about it. Again, my friend Joan was the one who first pointed me in this direction and I had kind of just been looking down the path but not really moving that way. I'm not sure what will happen, but I think I'm learning to think a little differently. I am going to try to attempt to put a couple of links on my blog - one for the chocolate and a couple that are for other fair trade items. Yes, they are more expensive, but maybe we would all be better off with one fair trade purse than three from Walmart. I did actually buy a recycled beach bag today for our trip (the one I had did have holes in the bottom). I'll let you know how it turns out.

Well, I have successfully put off doing my homework for an hour, but I had better get to it.

Hoping to contribute to the good -
JAH

Time for A New Look

Today seemed like a day to try out a new look. This past week has been kind of a crazy one to say the least, so why not go all out and change up the format a little bit. I didn't realize how easy it was to make this change or I may have done it sooner, but I'm not a real "experimenter" when it comes to blogging.

For those of you who may not know, I got to have a surprise surgery this week. That's always a fun time - especially when the first ER visit takes place in another state when your daughter is sick in bed next to you and there has been a blizzard happening for the past several hours. I guess if a person is going to do something out of the ordinary - well - I guess I picked as good of a time as any.

I don't plan on going into all of the gory details of the past week's events, but let's just say, I've gone through labor and delivery with two children and this pain was worse. Given how long some people have problems and are sick with this type of thing, maybe it is just better to just get hit over the head with it at 3 am and then just get it all over with...maybe...I'm not sure on that one. I am thankful that my friend Robin was able to get me to the hospital and then get me home where Dan took over. I don't think anyone really knew what to do with me, but they were there and that was a good thing. Morphine became my temporary friend on Monday afternoon by giving me a bit of relief and a little bit of sleep. The doctors and nurses at the Bluffton Hospital were very nice and I have no complaints there. All went well and I got back home Wednesday night. It was funny during the night after my surgery I asked for some Tylenol and they said I couldn't have that, but I could have some more morphine if I wanted. I decline and waited until I was approved for Tylenol consumption Wednesday morning. Crazy.

Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that I was alive and well and very thankful for that and after thinking about it realizing that if this had to happen it all happened in a pretty good way, if that is possible. I just know I dealt with the 90 miles from Findlay to Yoder, but trying to get from Punta Cana to Detroit on a plane in that conditioned would not be an adventure I would ever care to take.

Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. Now all I can say for today is GO ILLINI!! :)

Peace to all -
JAH

Another Touch of Winter

It seems as though winter will be hanging on for a little while longer. This morning we found ourselves covered with another blanket of snow so I pulled out the camera and headed outside before I headed off to work. Like most of the people I talk to, I am ready for spring to arrive, but one has to admit, God can create some beautiful stuff - even if it has to involve snow. One of the pictures is actually from the other day when the fog had rolled in. It was pretty too in its own way. These pictures weren't taken with the black and white option, nature just kind of made them that way on its own.
Thanks for indulging my photographic aspirations. I'm still really just experimenting,but it is pretty darn fun!

Thinking sun and warm thoughts - but appreciating the beauty of the seasons -
JAH

A Few New Pictures To Share

Dan and I attended another camera workshop tonight, so I had to try a few of the tips that we learned. I'm realizing more and more that there is A LOT I don't know about and will be glad when the weather warms up a bit as I tend to like taking pictures outside a lot more than inside, but...here goes nothing.

This is the hutch that my brother Mark made me to put on top of Dan's childhood dresser. I have my grandmother's china as well as her doll (top shelf) displayed. For a more detailed few of the china - here is a close-up of the water pitcher. This pattern is probably not something I would have ever chosen, but I like it because it was hers. The story goes, according to my mother, that right after my maternal grandparents were married, my grandma sent my grandpa to an auction to buy her a set of dishes. He came home with this set and she thought it was too pretty to use, so she never really used it too much - more for display purposes. I would imagine they would have been married around 1915 or so. I looked the pattern up and it was made in England by the Johnson Brothers...just in case you were wondering.

Then, I tried my hand at taking a picture of tonight's eclipse, which I hope everyone had a chance to see because it was pretty cool. Of course, it was a little chilly outside, so I had a hard time keeping the camera steady making it appear that there is more than one moon. Guess I need to work on that one!

Then, there is always Bogie, our highly complex dog. I got down on the floor with him and took this one which I think pretty much captures his personality.

It seems as though I have been wanting to blog for awhile, but tonight is not going to be the night for any thoughtful observations. :)


Hope everyone is doing well...
JAH

Family

This past few days, I've been thinking about families. When I think of my family at this point in my life, I think of my husband, Dan, and our children, Carrie and Isaac. I love my family very much and feel that I have been greatly blessed by their presence in my life. But, as is with most of us, we have another family as we move outward from our little circle. We have parents and, in my case, four brothers, their wives, their children, etc., etc. When I think of my parents, I have very fond memories of them, not really any bad ones, at least none that come to mind. My brothers are all older than I am and I really don't remember the two oldest ones living at our house. It is my understanding, and I will be happy to keep it that way, that the five of us get along. There have been times when, due to certain circumstances, we have been closer than at other times. At this point in our history, we aren't all together very much - and sometimes I wonder if we ever will be. It is hard then, when you know that one of them is suffering very much and they seem to live a million miles away and the phone conversations that you have never seem to do much good. These are the times that I wish we weren't so far apart and that we talked a lot more often and kept up on each others lives and where we are all at in them. I would assume the same is true in many families today. We get busy and we live our separate lives whether we live across the street or across the country. It is really sad when you realize that someone you used to eat supper with, watch TV with, argue with, joke with is somehow facing life on their own and those growing up days can't be recreated except in our memories. So I guess we all do what we can when we can and hope that in some small way it makes a difference and that we somehow all feel a connection even through the distance.

I had a telephone conversation with my oldest brother last week, which has probably happened more in the last year than in the previous ten. He recently purchased the farm that connects with the "home place". The family that used to farm it were good friends with our family for years. Every summer we would have a big picnic at our house and swim in the pool and have a great time. After my father died, we just didn't seem to do that so much anymore. But they were almost like a second family to me when I was growing up. When the mother died shortly after my mother, the farm was going up for auction. I guess the whole ordeal was pretty sad as none of the three kids are speaking anymore and one made quite the scene at the sale. My brother said the whole thing was quite embarrassing for everyone who was there. What happened? I know my mom was so worried that we would all be fighting over "stuff", which by the way, we have not been. I guess I hope we can all honor our parents by honoring each other. We may not be the Waltons, but we can all sit together around a table. Anyway, this whole thing made me feel bad, but I know the parents of these kids would be really happy to know that my brother is farming their land and my nephew will be living in their home.

I have been working on my hutch that my brother made me. I tried something a little different when I painted it. It was called "distressing". It is funny how we get something new and try to make it look old. I think it is turning out pretty good and I am anxious to get the china back in it to see how it all comes together. Pictures will be forthcoming.

Time for supper -
JAH

Questions Anyone?

Today is one of the Mondays that I do not have to work.It is really nice to have a four-day weekend. Friday, Dan and I were able to have a sort of "vacation" day - going to breakfast, to a movie, etc., and it was a great day. Saturday evening we went to a photography workshop, and although much of it was over my head, it did reinforce my desire to learn about what all our camera and a computer could do. I will be glad when it is a bit warmer outside, so we can go out on a photograph hunt and try out all of the different options. Sunday, Carrie surprised us at church and then went to lunch with us. It is always nice to get caught up on what her news and info is.

Today, I went to Bluffton and took my mother's engagement ring to a jewelry store to see if they could resize it for me. They thought they would have it done in two weeks. They will probably have to build up the band as my mom had already had it enlarged once. Then it was lunch with Dan and some time on the treadmill.

I also had some time to look ahead at the classes I am signed up for this semester. (This, in case you are wondering is where the title and graphic come in to play.) In reading the descriptions for the upcoming classes - I'm thinking to myself that these do not interest me too much. Now, I know that everyone has to take classes that don't interest them, but these are some of the main classes for my degree. I have had a few people ask me as of late, what I am going to school for, and today on the treadmill I came to the conclusion that I really don't know. I've always wanted to finish my Bachelor's Degree, but today I am beginning to question why. Don't get me wrong, I believe very strongly in the value of an education. But, I'm wondering at this point in my life, if it is what I should be doing. I don't know. I'm rambling. My dilemma comes in thinking about what sort of job I would want to do when I finish. And...I have no idea. When I think about the things I really enjoy doing, they do not seem like really "employable" things. What to do...what to do...

Hopeful though confused -
JAH