Has It Been This Long?

I didn't realize how long it had been since I put up a post. I actually thought I had done one since my "interesting" class experience, but either I dreamed it or it didn't work. Either way, here I am again.

My Understanding Diversity class is done. I'm glad. I have decided that the people I took this class with really weren't all that interested in learning about diversity or anything else for that matter. I guess for some it just boils down to getting a piece of paper after a series of classes. Learning is not necessarily the point of college for everyone. I can't say that the class was all that inspiring, but some of the reading was enlightening, so I'll be satisfied with that.

Christmas has now come and gone. We were able to take Carrie and Isaac along with Drew and Laura out for a nice dinner. I'm glad that we can all get together and enjoy one another's company. Our Sunday service was very nice with the decorating of the tree. Some people had funny comments to share and others were quite touching. I think it means more to have a tree that we all contributed to instead of one that looks like it belongs in a department store. Sunday we made the drive to Illinois in what seemed like a hurricane. We had a nice time at my brother's house. There were enough little children there this year that the excitement factor about the whole event seemed to be in the air. Plus, it always seems to bring some life to a gathering when you hear the sounds of little voices in the room.

Monday brought Christmas Eve. We spent the day at Dan's parents' house and it was quite relaxing. We had a nice lunch with all the trimmings and then played cards in the afternoon while the kids read and watched some TV. We went to church that evening and I enjoyed getting to sit together as a family. Sometimes it nice to not have any responsibility at a service. Dan's sister and her boys arrived late that night and the unwrapping of gifts took place.

Tuesday morning was the drive back to Indiana which went pretty smoothly. Carrie and Isaac both had plans that night, so Dan and I enjoyed a Christmas frozen pizza. All in all, the holiday was pretty low-key, which was quite enjoyable. I was glad I took Wednesday off to kind of unwind.

My brother is coming out this weekend to bring a hutch he made to put on top of a chest of drawers that I have. Hopefully, my grandmother's and/or mother's china will be finding a home there once I get it all painted.

Guess that pretty much brings everyone up to date with my life. Hope everyone had a great holiday and will start 2008 out wonderfully!

Peace -
JAH

The Problem with Prejudice

How many times has anyone been in a conversation with someone and you hear, "I'm not prejudice, but...."? Of course you know the next thing that is going to be said is going to be some sort of racist or derogatory remark about someone or some group of people. It happens. I'm guilty. But what if you feel, say, justified in your thoughts? This can be a troubling thing when you confront yourself with them.

Case in point. I am currently taking a class called "Understanding Diversity". On Monday, we were to present a brief summary about an article we were assigned (each of us a different one) and what we learned from it. My article was about an immigrant woman from India. Each person's was different. Now, after the articles had all been presented, somewhat of a free flow of discussion ensued. I have to admit, I was shocked and somewhat taken back by the comments that were coming from each person's mouth. I will not dignify them by repeating them, but I would have thought I was in the 1950's at a segregation meeting or something. I was disappointed that the instructor allowed them to continue as long as she did as I sat getting red-faced and somewhat shaky in my seat. She finally asked me what was on my mind and I basically said that I just didn't even know where to start. I briefly stated some of my feelings and left it at that realizing that I seemed to be the only person (other than the instructor who seems to want to keep everyone happy) who thought everyone was, well, crazy. The class continued on and I made a quick exit wondering if I could actually sit through three more classes like this.

Okay, so herein lies the problem. I got in my car and was basically fuming. Several words were coming to my mind - I'm sure you can imagine some of them - as I started the drive home anticipating unloading all of my frustrations onto my husband when I walked through the front door. (Which I did and he patiently listened.) About half way home, as I was wondering how anyone could view another human being with such contempt and loathing - I realized how much of those feelings were pulsing through my bloodstream at that very moment. I quickly tried to rationalize those thoughts by thinking that I was right to feel the way I did and they were so very wrong. I do believe they were wrong - so was I. I had to admit to myself that at the very same time God is loving all of the people they were trashing and saying horrible things about, He was loving them, too. At the same time they were lumping people into stereotypical groups - I was doing the same to them, too. I hate those moments when you realize you are guilty of the very thing you are so angry at other people for doing.

So the problem with prejudice is...it is so very hard to rise above. So, for all of you praying folks out there, keep me in your prayers next Monday evening. Pray that I would be obedient to God and not to my emotions. Pray that some light would come from me to expel any darkness that would be in that room. Pray that the words coming out my mouth would be His.

Hoping for hope to shine through-
JAH

Christmas Is Coming

Thanksgiving is now history and the start of the official Christmas season has begun. This year seems to be going by even more quickly than the previous one. I guess time does fly the older one gets.

This past Saturday, the Christmas decorations emerged from the garage, storage shed and other various creative storage spots we have tried to find. Last year, I had trouble getting in to the whole decoration scene, but this year, for some reason, I actually did a little more than I have the past few years. I think I am developing a sense of nostalgia and wish that we had, over the years, developed more traditions in our family. Growing up, my parents were the prime example of understated enthusiasm about pretty much everything. Don't get me wrong, I had a great childhood with great memories, but everything at our house was pretty low key. Now, I have no desire to have the holidays turn in to a stressful, can't-get- everything-done-that-we-always-do event, but I'm just actually really looking forward to the season this year. There is just something nice about sitting in your living room to the glow of Christmas tree lights with the soundtrack from the Charlie Brown Christmas playing in the background. Now, if only there was some gently falling snow...

Anyway...I guess my prayer for this year is to really enjoy each family moment that we can have and to focus more on the reason we celebrate this season in the first place. For so many people complaints about people not being able to say "Merry Christmas" because of the religious significance are the topic of conversation. My question is, for most of us, do we really even celebrate Christmas because of the religious significance or is it just another holiday where we buy gifts, get grumpy, overspend and over eat? I don't want to be a part of that holiday. I want to celebrate the fact that a young couple was obedient to God, Christ left heaven and came to earth in a humble way because He actually cared about all of us and because of that, we can have peace of mind and joy in our hearts and can actually pass that on to the rest of the world. Now that is something worth celebrating.

Remembering the hope that we all can have -
JAH

Happy Thanksgiving

The day is drawing to a close and it was a nice day. Although Dan was up early, I actually slept a little later than I usually would on a Thursday, which was nice. Isaac was around last night and Carrie rolled in fairly early this morning to help with the meal preparations. Drew came over and joined us as well and all in all, the meal came off without any problems. Then it was cleanup, football, nap, football, reheat, eat, and now I'm taking a little break from homework. I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, but I guess it is what it is.

It is hard to believe another Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, but I know I have much to be thankful for. I have been blessed with a great husband who has stuck by me through the good, bad and ugly for nearly 27 years of being together (almost 25 now of marriage). It's truly more than I could ever deserve, but somehow looking across the table at someone and knowing them and wanting them to know you is a feeling I can't explain. We have great kids who seem to have found people who make them happy and who they seem to want to make happy as well, which is probably the most important thing. It is great to have them here and to hear their voices in the house. Even Bogie got in on some bites of turkey and likes laying in the middle of the room keeping an eye on everyone.

Now, things are quiet. It is kind of that nice "snuggled" in feeling that I think we so often take for granted. I hope anyone who happens to read this also had family or friends to share the day with. Many blessings to you all.

JAH

Monday...But Things Are Well

Today was a pretty ordinary Monday as far as Mondays go. Work went okay - nothing too exciting, but it was a little busier than it has been, which is good for making the time move along a little quicker - dare I say, faster.

The family had a really nice weekend. Dan's birthday concert was good. Friday we went out for supper and saw American Gangster - again, good. Saturday, Dan and I went out for lunch - do you see a pattern - mine was good, his...well, not so good, but we had a nice time. Saturday afternoon I studied for my big final tonight. One class down - who knows how many more to go at this point. But, that's okay. I've started and I made it through the first one. Sunday was a great day. Carrie and Isaac were both home, which is always nice. Church went really well - had a couple of visitors even. We had another nice lunch out which included Carrie's boyfriend Drew and his friend Tom. Our friends had cake complete with candles for Dan Sunday night, which was a very nice, unexpected (sort of :) ) surprise. It still amazes me at times, even when life has seemed a little "off", you can have those days where everything seems to come together and you realize just how wonderfully blessed you are. It doesn't take too much looking around to see people who are losing their families. People who don't seem to have any hope for anything but getting a check and paying the bills. People with no one to talk to or share their day with. People who have kids that have wandered far away from them. Husbands and wives who look forward to being apart more than they look forward to being together. Yes. I have been blessed. I have no idea why, but I sure am thankful.

As some of you may know, this marks the one year anniversary of losing my mom. (Thank you Carrie for the text message this morning.) Strange term, as I didn't misplace her, but yet, just don't know exactly where she is. I know, as a Christian she is in heaven. But, when you really start to try and wrap your mind around that, you just wonder, where exactly is that. Someone can be lying there, in a hospital bed being your mom. Then, they're still right there, but now they are "gone". What happens in that split second of leaving this earth and going on to eternity? I have thought a lot about the last week of mom's life. It wasn't one I would have wished for her. She would have been much happier to have simply fallen asleep in her recliner watching the guys working out in the yard. I guess that is what is the hardest part in some ways - not that she's gone, which is inevitable, but how she had to leave. For four and a half days I talked with her, not knowing if she could heard a word I said, but I hope she somehow knew that she wasn't alone. I guess maybe that's all we can hope for as we leave this world and go to the next one. The red bird is for her. Red was by far her favorite color and she always had bird feeders out on her porch.

To my family and friends who read this, know that you mean the world to me. Along with my faith, you all give me great hope.

JAH

Time Passing

Another month has begun which is bringing a close to this year. This past year has brought about many changes in life - but I guess life is always going to be full of change.

Although not trying to dwell on things, it was a year ago today that I had my last conversation with my mom. I wish I could say it was some sort of deep, spiritual experience, but it mainly consisted of me trying to get someone to understand that she wasn't feeling well and that there was no way Dan and I could take her out of the hospital. I hated seeing her look frightened and being of little comfort. Sometimes I can remember things in little details, other times, it is just kind of a blur. However, the night before this, we watched Jeopardy, we visited, she wanted to know what I was planning on doing with the piano, she hoped all of us kids wouldn't fight over things. It is almost as if she knew she wasn't going home again...

I think mom would say she had a good life. She had some hard times, losing dad when they were only in their mid-50s, which is seeming younger and younger to me everyday. She was always happy that we all wanted to spend time with her, liked hanging out in her kitchen, and her grandkids would always stop in to say "hello" when they were around. She had friends in the neighborhood that she visited with and basically spent her entire life in an area of about 10 square miles except for her time at college and student teaching. I wonder sometimes if you begin to be conscious of the fact that you are not going home again. That you will not tell the person you have slept next to for years "good night and I love you" again. Not trying to be sad, but just trying to realize that time on this earth is finite. It will not last forever. My friend Joan had a post about the words we say. I guess that's what made me think about it. One thing I will always be thankful for is good memories of my parents - I am quite certain not everyone has them.

On another note - Dan and I get to go see John Mellencamp tonight for an early birthday celebration - Happy Birthday tomorrow, my dear. I think a concert will be a good thing. We used to not live in a place where we could do things like this, so I'm glad we are able to take advantage of those opportunities now.

Keeping the hope alive -
JAH

Look for the Colors

This has been a bit of a trying week for me. I had a disappointment on the employment front, but I'm trying to move on from that and will begin to search again. But, as the picture shows, there can be those bright moments - like when you come home to find some flowers on the table and a nice note from your husband and you know, no matter what, they're right there in your corner. Thanks, Dan. You're the best.

Also on a bright note, I have actually starting taking a class. It is going pretty well and I think the info I'm learning will be applicable in several areas of life. So far, I haven't felt too out of place - our out of my league, but we'll see once I take my mid-term on Monday. Yikes, it's been awhile!

Carrie and Isaac were home for a visit this past weekend, which was a great treat having them both here at the same time. We have great kids - another bright spot in life.

Our extended families are having their struggles and it is always hard when you're far away and seem a little disconnected from all of them. Phone conversations are always hard when you know the problems are way bigger than that. So, unfortunately, sometimes there are just no conversations which probably isn't good either. Life can be hard.

Tomorrow we are going to apply for our passports for our anniversary trip this spring. We haven't decided for sure where we're going, but at this point I think anyplace will be great. It seems like it has been forever since we have been able to take time off to take a fun trip for just the two of us. In fact, I could probably go tomorrow...

Well, hope everyone out there is doing well and finding their own little color in the world.

Keep hoping -
JAH

It's Monday...

Well, as Mondays go, this was pretty typical. We had a freezer not working quite right so I was shuffling things from one place to another and, after repairs, moving them back again. After a very busy weekend, which is not a bad thing, the cupboards here were basically empty so everything and then some had to be done. Given the problems in the world, these were really just minor inconveniences. They just always seems worse at 8 am on Monday morning. Tomorrow will be another day.

On a good note, Dan and I did make it to the Museum of Art in Ft. Wayne on Saturday. I suppose I have seen small art exhibits at different places from time to time, but this was my first trip to an actual art museum. I really enjoyed it. At first, I would look at different pieces and wonder what the artist was trying to say when they created it. I finally decided there was really no possible way I could determine that, nor did it probably matter. So I then began to just look at things and tried to appreciate the uniqueness of each thing, the colors, and just how they made me feel at the moment. I would definitely go back when a new exhibit begins. I thought it was money well spent. If I ever make it back to New York, I will go to a museum there.

We had an interesting Sunday School class this week. The topic was fairly political and we had more people than usual, so that made for some interesting conversation. Church went well even though the crowd was small. The music sounded good and Dan gave an excellent sermon, as usual.

This will be a busy week. Wednesday we are heading down to Anderson to see Isaac play again. Thursday we will be heading to Illinois and returning on Saturday. I am trying to do a little painting around the house. Of course, the more I look around, the more I notice that needs done. I'm trying to just take one thing at a time and not freak myself out.

Well, I guess that is all for now. Hope all is well with you...

JAH

Thursday...

Today is pretty much an ordinary day. It is Thursday, September 20. I realized this morning that it is my dad's birthday today - he would have been 82 years old. Hard to believe that he left this earth over 26 years ago. But, when I think of how much of life has changed since then, I suppose 26 years have definitely happened. Basically, memories of my dad are all good. He was just one of those guys that everyone seemed to like. He was quiet. His life pretty much revolved around his wife, kids, church and farming. He really liked animals. He really, really liked the grandchildren that he got to see. He didn't like to travel. It sucks that I only knew him for 17 years, but I realize, especially now that I've been around for awhile, 17 good years are a lot more than some people ever have. So, there is that.

I had a really nice dinner out the other day with my friend, Joan. She is getting ready to head to Washington D.C. and will take on the task of helping people stand up for those who have a hard time standing up for themselves. That is, without a doubt, an oversimplification of the task at hand, but for these purposes... Anyway, we weren't friends who spent large amounts of time together, but the conversations that we did have were good and I will miss knowing that she is there as a support for Dan and I. Her younger son and our son have been the best of friends since 7th grade, so we will hopefully always know about each others' families no matter where we all end up.

Dan and I have both seemed to be really tired lately. We have actually went to bed at 9:30 pm, which is a rare occasion for us. Neither one of us seem to be getting a real restful sleep. Not sure why. This Saturday we are going to try and go take in some nearby sights that we have never taken the time to see. I am looking forward to that.

It is time to go back to work - for what, I don't know. I have to say, I really dislike working here more and more...

Here's hoping for hope -
JAH

Okay...so it's been awhile

Seems like it's been forever since I did this. Actually it has almost been a couple of months. Not sure why it has taken so long, but guess that's just the way it is.

Guess I've had some random thoughts lately and maybe writing some of them down will make them all make perfect sense - to someone anyway.

Families are a strange thing. I'm sure for most people, this concept is not anything new and I'm sure to some people "strange" would be an understatement. In this context, I'm talking about my siblings. There are five of us - I have four older brothers. True, I was kind of the spoiled one, being the youngest by nine years and the only girl. Now, as we are all adults, that doesn't seem to play near as big of a role in all of our lives as it did growing up. However, I think I am beginning to realize that my world and their world may not be the same world. Now that both of our parents are gone and we are still going through the process of figuring out what to do with a house full of my their possessions, things are somehow beginning to take on a different light. Don't get me wrong, none of us are fighting over the silver, but everyone certainly does have a different attitude about the whole process. I think the hardest part for me is still coming to grips with the fact that the nest time I pull into the driveway, mom isn't going to be standing there at the door giving me the signature wave that she had. I don't know if it is simply because, having lived away for a period of time, I can go about life as usual and figure that life as usual is still going on there. There are still times when I think that I need to include something in the weekly letter or maybe that something actually warrants a phone call only to realize that...well... you get the picture. Maybe that is why I have dragged my feet so long. I guess once that house is empty, there is no putting stuff back. There is no going back in a seeing things "as usual". Okay, enough of that thought...

We got a letter from my niece the other day. Her and her husband are getting ready to head off to the mission field next year and they are beginning the process of raising support. They are planning on going to Pakistan. Wow. This is not exactly a walk in the park from my understanding of current events. To top it off, they just had their first child in March. This is something, in my understanding, that they have planned on doing for several years. He is actually a lawyer and I believe she majored in Spanish or something along those lines. I hope things fall into place for them and I hope my brother and his wife aren't totally freaking out as I know I may be if it were Carrie or Isaac. I'm just glad they are following what they believe is the way to go. But still...wow.

Okay, there is probably a bunch of other stuff I could write her for clarity of thought, but I think it is time to get some food. Hope all is well in your world.

Staying hopeful -
JAH

Chapter 3 - False Dangers

Back from conference in Decatur, Illinois and trying to get back on track with all of those things life throws at us. My foot is still in a big boot, but hopefully on Monday, it will be history (the boot, not my foot). Carrie has headed off to Findlay, so things seem kind of strange, but there is a big pile of her stuff still in the kitchen, so she doesn't seem all that far away.

On to the book. This chapter talks about the false dangers we sometimes worry about when it comes to worshiping God. He points to how we attempt to "manage" our encounters with God - calling it our attempt to domesticate Him. I thought that was a pretty good observation. When you think about all of the Biblical encounters with God, they were usually anything but safe or manageable. Most people instinctively fell on their faces. I wonder how God feels when we are sitting in a worship service thinking about where we're going for lunch, nodding off, not paying attention, thinking about how we don't care for what is going on, etc., etc.

I suppose really, when you think about it, the God we claim to worship is anything but safe. When you read about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, having faith in God was probably anything but safe to them by our definition. But, they actually feared idolatry more than fire. As the author says, "The furnace was blazing hot, a dramatic threat. Idolatry by comparison was quiet, invisible, barely noticeable when everyone else was already on their knees." Do we really know where the real danger lies?

The author lists six false dangers: Worship That's Not Under Control, Worship that Doesn't Seem Relevant, Worship that Doesn't Meet Expectations, Worship that Isn't Popular, Worship That's Unfamiliar. In other words, we want what's safe.

Here are his final thoughts on this:

"Safe worship. It's the kind of primrose path that draws us but misleads us. It has the allure of beauty but can mask pain, alienation, injustice. It can leave us feeling better but does nothing to help others who suffer. It can occupy so much energy and time that it leaves us too tired for ministry that might actually take us to where the needs are greatest. It can lead us to feel faith, but not actually to believe. It can lead us to imply we are trusting, without ever really taking a risk. It can preoccupy us with the false dangers of worship while we miss the real ones. It leaves us safe--which can mean lost, disengaged, disconnected, disinterested. So we often leave our services with what we came for, which sadly and ironically means we have little more than when we arrived. For better and worse, everything that matters is at stake in worship."

How does my life and attitude of worshiping God need to change so that I'm not just the same person day after day always wishing I could make changes in my life, but never really doing anything about it. Where does my true hope come from?

Needing to be more radical-
JAH

Chapter Two - The Real Battle Over Worship

Quoting from THE DANGEROUS ACT OF WORSHIP

For all our apparent passion about God, in the end much of our worship seems to be mostly about us.

What is ironic and especially pertinent is that many debates about worship are just indirect ways of talking about ourselves, not God. Our debates can readily devolve into little more than preference lists for how we like our worship served up each week. It's worship as consumption rather than offering; it's an expression of human taste--not a longing to reflect God's glory.

If we worship Jesus Christ, then we are to live like Jesus Christ: (Luke 9:23-24) Then (Jesus) said to them all, 'If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.'

The heart of the battle over worship is this: our worship practices are separated from our call to justice and, worse, foster the self-indulgent tendencies of our culture rather than nurturing the self-sacrificing life of the kingdom of God. We are asleep. Nothing is more important than for us to wake up and practice the dangerous act of worship, living God's call to justice.

Part of the malady of our culture and discipleship efforts is this tragic rationale: that in the face of global need, if we can't do everything, we can't do anything. We are paralyzed, inert.

Part of what stunned and excited me when I came to faith in Christ was the discovery that if Jesus Christ was Lord, it mattered for all people everywhere. That meant God's heart was both personal and global. The kingdom of God was no small, myopic project but rather the transformation of everyone and everything. 'For God so loved the world...'--that those who follow him are to do the same.

God's plan is that we, the church, are to be the primary evidence of God's presence. The core of a biblical theology of worship is the worthiness of God.

To be centered on God means first discovering that God is our center and then living lives focused on the things that matter to God. We reflect the worthiness of God by how we love and serve whomever and whatever God considers to be of worth.

Out of God's love for his people and their love for God will come an effluence of mercy and justice in the world: shalom. This common Hebrew word for greeting means "peace," but it also includes much more than the word typically calls to mind. Shalom includes our individual and collective well-being, our health, our safety and our completeness.

A broken relationship with God leads to broken relationships with one another. God's purpose is to restore and heal both.

His (Jesus) words and his actions drew the marginalized and the outcast. He loved the Father by loving those the Father loved. These cannot be separated. Jesus redefined the meaning of neighbor in the shocking story of the good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37).

When we or anyone besides God assumes the central role, life whips us out of alignment -- lots of motion with destructive wear and significant damage.

Vigorous biblical practice of worship should stop, or at least redirect, our endless consumerism, as our free choice to spend less in order to give away more. Our worship should be recognizable by the lives it produces, one that plainly evidences the broad, sacrificial and persevering commitment of Jesus Christ. Our community reputation, as Scripture suggests, should be that the church comprises those who pursue justice for the poor and oppressed because that is what it means to be Christ's body in the world. We should not fool ourselves into thinking that it's enough to feel drawn to the heart of God without our lives showing the heart of God.

--------------------------------------

Another summary of my "underlinings".

As for the rest of life, my foot is still in this big boot thing that is most annoying when I try to sleep. I was thinking today while doing the pre- and post-shower ritual about people who take care of others unable to take care of themselves. I cannot even begin to think about the hours that some parents dedicate to the care of their children who were either born with or afflicted with some type of physical challenge that requires constant attention. My little procedure, relatively speaking, was simple and my complete recovery is expected and it is still a disruption to our lives. Some people must have incredible strength.

Tomorrow it is back to Findlay with Dan and Carrie to sign the lease for her apartment and finalize the paperwork for her new place of employment. I am excited for her and know she will be awesome at the job awaiting her.

Hope everyone out there is doing well and keeping the hope alive -
JAH

Chapter One - What's at Stake in Worship?

Quoting from THE DANGEROUS ACT OF WORSHIP

Worship names what matters most: the way human beings are created to reflect God's glory embodying God's character in lives that seek righteousness and do justice.

Worship turns out to be the dangerous act of waking up to God and to the purposes of God in the world, and then living lives that actually show it.

Worship can name a Sunday gathering of God's people, but it also includes how we treat those around us, how we spend our money, and how we care for the lost and the oppressed.

Scripture indicates that worship is meant to be the tangible embodiment of God's hope in the world. Conversely, the Bible also teaches that the realities of oppression, poverty and injustices can be both a call to worship and an indictment of our failure to do so.

When worship is our response to the One who alone is worthy of it - Jesus Christ - then our lives are on their way to being turned inside out.

...The VBS production featured everything money and time could buy and was so central and primary that the gospel felt small and incidental in comparison.

...The privileges of churches like these can shroud the gospel in such middle- and upper-class consumer-oriented style and content that salvation subtly becomes more about providing a warm blanket of cultural safety than about stepping out into the bracing winds of spiritual sacrifice.

One-sixth of the world's population lives in absolute poverty, and nearly a million children each year are sold or forced into the sex-trafficking trade. But this is not just about statistics--it's about real lives. People with names and families are living daily without food or water, in sickness and oppression. ...they are circumstantially without hope. Every day.

...where is the evidence that through worship our lives have actually been redefined and realigned with God's heart for justice in the world?

...worship services that offer little more than comfort food: the baked potatoes of love, the melting butter of grace, with just enough bacon and chives of outreach to ease the conscience. All this becomes a churchly anesthetic.

Waking up is the dangerous act of worship.

God's criticism of Israel was that it professed what it failed to live.

"What does the LORD required of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Faithful worship means finding our life in God and practicing that life in the world, especially for the sake of the poor, the oppressed and the forgotten.

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I actually started to reread this book - this time with a highlighter. Please hang in there with me while I summarize each chapter here so I can first of all, let it sink in a little more and second of all, have a handy summary for myself.

Reawakening to the hope there is -
Jah

Let's Get Dangerous

Well, I have hobbled to the computer and am attempting to do this with one of my feet propped up on an open desk drawer. My life has been a bit different lately. My minor surgery seems to have been successful although I have yet to actually see what they did. Hopefully when they remove the bandages on Monday, the expression will be good and not a "well that's odd" look. I have also learned that TV is pretty much worthless, but I did start and complete a really great book. The title is THE DANGEROUS ACT OF WORSHIP Living God's Call to Justice by Mark Labberton. Dan and I both heard him speak at the National Pastor's Convention and, although we had not heard of him, decided he was our favorite speaker.

I enjoy reading. I don't do it as often as I should, which whether I want to admit it or not, is my own choice. There are a few books I have read though, this being one of them, that have to really seep in over a few days. It offered some really insightful ideas about how and why we worship. I have been trying to share some of the ideas with Dan, but they are still trying to form something in my own heart and mind, so it is hard at this point to articulate them. However, I did want to share some of the key points not only so that you could ponder them, but so that I could ponder them again.

"...we need to continue to grapple with whether our faith or our culture shapes our lives more. What are the distinctives that might lead us individually or as a community to live more kingdomlike lives? Here are some helpful questions....

"Are we ready to live life in God in our town, or do we still insist on living in our town and try to fit God in? Are we convinced that these two options are not the same thing? Are we convinced that God's serious plan for healing the nations in Jesus Christ involves us? That it means picking up our cross and laying down our claim to ourselves in real sacrifice, and that it will change our lives?

"Are we going to let our class, race, job or money set the terms and priorities of our life, or do we want to be seriously kingdom-minded and kingdom-hearted?

"Are we willing to let the gospel do the deep redefining work of establishing us in our new humanity, or will we only let it do a little sprucing up?

"Are we willing to let Sabbath-keeping redefine the weekly rhythms of our lives, calling us to lay down our activities, cease our multi-tasking, stop our consumption, recalibrate our priorities and redefine--for the sake of truly seeking God, for listening, differently and intently for the Spirit, for remembering the passions of God for love, justice and mercy? Are we ready to seek God in our personal and corporate worship so we live to God's great honor?

"Are we willing to do the hard work of thinking beyond the categories of conservative and liberal in order to allow the kingdom to reorder the categories of issues that matter and that escape easy categorization? Are we willing to do the hard work of acting out the consequences of seeking justice, even when the cost is that our sense of self and life is fundamentally altered?"

It wasn't necessarily a hard book to read, but the topic is definitely not light. The main premise for the book and the theme that is repeated throughout comes from Micah 6:8 "What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" It seems simple enough, but yet it seems to be so lacking in most of our lives and in the lives of our churches.

Now I am getting to that point where there is way too much info to share and my leg went to sleep quite some time ago. I hope I can continue this book report throughout my recuperation process. I know that the more I keep thinking about it, the more I want it to make a difference. I don't want to close it and think about the great points that were made and move on to check the channel guide one more time.

My leg is pretty much numb now, so I'll ramble on just a little longer. These past few months I have almost felt like my faith had ceased to exist. I know, that may be a bit overstated, but not by much. I have felt like most of my human relationships (with the exception of my immediate family - God doesn't give us more than we can handle as I think that would have put me over the edge) have been broken, or at least not functioning properly. I am learning once again that if my relationship with God is broken, well...you get the picture. The other day, someone, who can remain anonymous for now, said to me "God doesn't work". It kind of hit me in the stomach, that I had been living my life that way. Things weren't as I thought they should be and I was beginning to think that very same thing. Let's pack it in, go back to where we started, God doesn't work. The very day that was said to me, God gave us the opportunity to see that He is definitely not broken, and does indeed, still work. I am beginning to see that my vision of how life works needs to be redefined not just "spruced up".

This was much more than I started out to do, but thank you for indulging my own self-analysis of life.

Rekindling the hope -
JAH

The Long Defeat

When I saw this title to an article in a magazine called RADIANT, I thought, "yeah, that sounds about right" so I decided to read on and see what Sara Groves had to say. In the end, although the title sounds pretty discouraging, it is actually an encouraging piece. The pullout quote is this..."There are many losing battles worth investing, in, simply because winning is not the point." Interesting. Winning is not the point??? I guess to summarize we need to do the right thing whether success, as currently defined in social, economic or human terms, is part of the equation or not. What must be realized, though, is this endeavor is tiring, costly and at times, lonely. The most well known example used is Mother Teresa. We see her as someone who accomplished great things - and she did - but the problem in Calcutta still exists. The battle has not been won. I am also sure she had many days where she was tired, wondered if it was all worth it and felt pretty alone, and that's okay. We can't help but believe that for every person she touched, it was worth it. Now...the question is, do I think it is worth it? Let's face it. Doing the easy thing is, well, easier. Many times it doesn't seem as tiring and most of the time it is probably a lot less lonely. So where is the encouraging part? I guess to me it is knowing that it is okay to question and wonder. Maybe it is better for us that we can't go through a list of accomplishments and revel in the successes we have had and feel like our job here on earth is done. I don't think that is the way it is supposed to be. I think the big thing in all of this is that we need others to encourage us. We need people to say that in light of eternity, fighting the battle, even if it is a battle within, is more than worth it.

Trying to keep the hope alive...
JAH

Holiness and Such

"We're tempted by moralism because we've forgotten what God wants at the center." This quote begins the article Holy to the Core by Joel Scandrett in the May 2007 issue of CHRISTIANITY TODAY. I had read this article last month and then recently read it again. It emphasized that the mot basic meaning of the word "holy" is to be "set apart" or "dedicated" to God - to BELONG to God. I wanted to share some of the "underlinings" I made.

* While we've cast off old, legalistic notions of holiness, we've merely replaced them with private, moralistic notions. We act as if holiness were either outdated or something that characterizes only a small (if important) part of our lives.

*Prior to any consideration of morality, biblical holiness describes a unique relationship that God has established and desires with his people. This relationship has moral ramifications, but it precedes moral behavior. Before we are ever called to be good, we are called to be holy. Unless we rightly understand and affirm the primacy of this relationship, we fall into the inevitable trap of reducing holiness to mere morality.

*Contrary, then, to any notion of mere moral conformity, true holiness is a grateful collaboration with God in seeking to live out the form of human life that he intends.

*More than any other American value, the notion that we are the masters and proprietors of our own lives stands in direct opposition to our call to be set apart to God.

*So endemic is this narcissism that many American Christians see Jesus as little more than a means of augmenting their sense of self, either as a source of "health and prosperity" or of emotional "well-being." In either case, the self is allowed to continue as its own spiritual center, rather than taking its proper place in orbit around Jesus Christ, its true center.

*The call of God comes not to isolated individuals, but to a people: The people of Israel in the Old Testament and the people of Jesus, Jew and Gentile, in the New Testament.

*...we must never forget that the church is God-created, non-negotiable reality of which all disciples of Jesus are a part and to which we are called to commit and submit.

*There is no such thing as love for God that does not include love for God's people.

*To be set part as a member of Christ's bride is to participate in the church's worship.

*We are set apart as the church for the sake of others.

*To be holy, to be set apart to God, is never an end in itself but is always for the sake of the world.

To me, holiness would seem to be a completely unattainable state of perfection. Because of this, I always wondered why God would say, "Be Holy as I am Holy". But given this line of thought, holiness as setting yourself aside for God, it would be attainable. That is a scary thought - a more "no excuses" thought. We all want to use the reasoning that as mere humans, we just have to try hard to be good and nice and then God, because of Jesus, will understand when we totally mess everything up. Could it be that there is more required of us than that? Is this part of what it means to be crucified with Christ - being dead to our own desires and alive to His? How can it be any other way....

Birthdays and Travels

First of all, today is our son Isaac's 19th birthday. By this time on that day, I was feeling pretty certain that things were going to be moving along pretty quickly. I remember calling my mom to watch Carrie and calling Dan at work to tell him to come home. I didn't sleep the entire night before - I guess it was a burst of energy. I still remember seeing Isaac for the first time. He had little swirls in his hair and he had long arms and fingers. He was a pretty mellow baby and that has carried through in his life. I cannot imagine having a finer son. It has been a joy watching him grow and seeing all of the stages he has went through in this life so far. Isaac started off incredibly shy and, although he has become much more outgoing, I can still see that shyness there...deep down. Thanks for nineteen great years, Isaac. You always said when you were little that you never wanted to grow up. You said your best day was to be at home. Funny how things change, but the change has been great. I look forward to seeing all that life brings your way and all that you bring to life.

Today we get to go to Nashville and I am really looking forward to the trip. It is always a great place to visit - walking around downtown is just great. Plus, we get to see a fantastic band and visit with some people that will be coming from all over the place. Lots of good stories to be heard...

Guess that is about it for this Friday morning.

Peace and hope to all -
JAH

Heading Out

Tomorrow I am heading out again for Illinois. Seems like I was just there - probably because I was. This time it is for a graduation instead of a wedding. Not quite as involved, which is good, but the trip will not be any shorter. Not too much to see on the way - lots of fields, fields and did I mention fields...

This will be the last graduation of this generation in my family. All of the grandkids are now "adults". I guess that makes my generation - well, even more adult. I feel bad that mom missed this last one and I know my brother does too. Mom had all of the kids' grad pictures on the wall (they are still on the wall) and one of the first things John mentioned when we were in the house again was that Erik's picture never made it. I am glad that at least all of the parents were around to see their kids graduate.

Sunday, of course, is Mother's Day. I made it through the buying of the card for Dan's mom but will be glad when all of the Hallmark-moment commercials are done. Of course, I can think of being a mother myself, which is a real joy.

Monday is anniversary number twenty-four for Dan and I. We have had good years and bad years, but I am thankful that we have stayed together. I can honestly say Dan is my very best friend and I enjoy all of the time we spend together whether it be getting groceries, going to a concert, watching TV, driving and talking or one of those fun nights at Applebees. I have been blessed with someone who is creative, thoughtful, thought provoking, sincere and still makes my heart beat faster when he comes into a room. Happy Anniversary, dear. I love you.

I hope everyone out there is staying hopeful, keeping the faith and sharing the love.

JAH

In God We TRUST??

Just some thoughts. I have been seeing a lot of the new "In God We Trust" license plates. Now, I am not knocking them in anyway, but when you think about it, that is a pretty bold statement for most of us to make. I can understand "In God We Believe", but trust? That is a totally different idea altogether. Trust goes way beyond belief. Do I really trust God with my spouse, my kids, my time, my money, my life? In a way, just putting the word "my" in front of each item on the list pretty much answers my own question. I can believe there is a bridge across a river, but only when I'm willing to drive across it can I say that I trust it will hold me. To me, there are still a lot of areas in life where I'm not too trusting of God. So, if I really believe in what He says, what IS the problem? I don't know - something to ponder.

JAH

Remember the List....

This morning I took a moment to look back at "the list". You know, that list from the beginning of the New Year. One of my goals was to remember the list, so at least I have done that! We also got a grill, knowing how to use it has still eluded me a bit, but the season is just beginning and I still have hope for that. Dan and I have been able to hang out a little more together and have taken in some cool, small-scale concerts at C2G. So...I still have a long way to go. Hopefully the weather will start to improve and with that my motivational level.

Today the kids and I are heading to Illinois to meet up with Dan for the wedding. Hopefully all will go well, but it will be good to have us all in one place again. Bogie was so happy that Isaac came home some time during the night, that he finally ended his hunger strike. He even ate again this morning and when he realizes he is getting in the car with us it may be more happiness than the poor little thing can take.

Speaking of Bogie - I almost became his twin last night. How you ask? It all started on Wednesday evening when I decided to add a few highlights to my hair. The amount was fine- but the color was somewhat orange and I really didn't like it too much. So, I decided to try some stuff I found at Walmart that was to remove artificial color from your hair so that you could recolor it. Perfect. Well, after I put the color remover on and rinsed it out - my hair was exactly the color of our dog. I will call it pumpkin. Not a good look although the family would have had something to talk about at the reception. So, I put the new color on and although it is at least a natural hair color, it isn't exactly what I was going for. This however will stay as I think one of these things burned right through to my brain.

Maybe this trip back to Buda will help with the restless feeling I have had. It has been one of those times when some things just don't seem to be quite as they should be. I was thinking about this time last year when we were into the full swing of Isaac's graduation plans. There have sure been an awful lot of big events in a year's time in our lives - some good, some bad. Maybe things just haven't quite gotten back into the correct flow for me yet and I guess that is okay - just a bit unsettling at times. But, the suitcase needs to be closed, the car packed and the adventure began.

Peace and hope to all of you -
JAH

Choices

I am reading a book entitled It's Not My Fault but I think it is mostly about the choices we make in our life. Sometimes I think we feel that we have no choices - that our lives are somehow controlled by factors outside of ourselves, but in most cases, when you get right down to the heart of the matter - we do have a choice.

I can choose whether or not to eat the candy bar or the granola bar. I can decide what really needs to be done today and what could wait until tomorrow. I can say "yes" or I can say "no". I can lay on the couch or I can walk on the treadmill. I can make decisions or I can be passive. I can care or I can not care. The list could go on forever, but I will choose to stop it now.

Now don't get me wrong, I believe some things that we can agonize over probably really don't matter - like what kind of candy - I mean granola - bar to eat. But there are some things that really do matter in this life. There are things that we really should care about - our faith, our family, our environment, social justice, others, just to name a few. Yet, it would seem that so many of us just go through life, not thinking about what is going on around us. Not seeing that there is a hurting world that needs us to care about them the way Christ did. When will it all stop - and how? What will help us to make the choice to make the difference? ? ? Okay, some questions don't have simple answers, but could we all at least start asking the questions.

Enough for now...

JAH

Thinking

Today is Sunday and I have a few minutes before it is time to head over to church for worship practice. I am actually waiting for the timer to go off on my hair color, so thought I would write about a few things that I've been thinking about lately - I have gray hairs to prove it...

Talked with Dan the other night about what it means to be Christ-like. We were sharing at our Bible Study about what it means to be Christian - and it really is an interesting question when you think about it. Everyone has a different idea of what that means and maybe we make it way too hard because the word has taken on a life of its own. Maybe we should think more in terms of what a disciple is. That is really what we are told to be - followers or maybe "learners" of Christ. Dan and I discussed that too many of us want to be "God-like". We want to be the controllers because we think we know what is best for ourselves, others and the world.

If you stop to think about it - Christ could have taken control of things. I believe He was God incarnate and I think He had all of God's power at His disposal - and yet He didn't do it. He could have stopped fighting and hunger and disease and hatred and, well the list goes on and on. Instead He just loved and cared about people in their situations and told them of a better life that would ultimately come to them even though their life here on earth may really be awful from time to time. He told people not to worry about being the social and or religious police, but to share with others about the possibilities that come with helping those in need. He brought a little of heaven down to earth and wants us to strive to do the same thing in our world.

Those of few of the things I've been thinking about. The timer has went off - time to go. Hope all is well with everyone.

Searching for Spring

I hope springtime comes soon. There is something about putting your winter coat away and knowing that a fair amount of time will pass before you have to take it out again that makes you feel hopeful.

Dan and I went to C2G last night for open mic night. It was pretty interesting. There was one girl who read a poem that took a person's heart right out of their chest - at least it did mine. It was about "An Abused Angel". She was probably in middle school and ended the poem by saying "....An Abused Angel - it's me" or something along those lines. I cannot imagine even reading that poem let alone writing it and then reading it. Courage comes in all forms.

School has been on my mind quite a bit. I printed off the Excel program info from Huntington. I think I could use some of that young girl's courage. Maybe it is just that I want to be able to see farther down the road than we are allowed to, but I hate to go back to school still not knowing exactly what I want to do. I tried taking a mental inventory of things I like to do and the way I see myself. Not too helpful. There are certain things that I really enjoy talking about and even feel excited about, but not too sure where they fit into the job market. Maybe that isn't even the point. I don't know...

Tonight I am taking a friend out for a belated birthday supper while Dan has a council meeting. Her mom passed away a couple of years ago while we actually were working together. So, it will be nice to visit with her for a little while.

I guess mom is on my mind a bit more than usual as her birthday is Monday. She would have been 82 this year. It's funny how you miss someone that you really didn't see all that often. I guess that's the way family is. Even though you don't talk or see each other all the time, you always think they are just a phone call away. I guess there are still times that I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that I have no parents anymore. At least I will always be thankful for the life that they gave me. I only hope and pray that our kids feel the same way.

It was a beautiful morning today, but the clouds have rolled in. I know spring will be in full swing soon and that gives a person hope. If I don't get back here before - have a blessed Easter. That will always be our ultimate hope - and a radical hope at that.

Closet Thoughts

I am sitting in the closet at work eating my lunch. Okay, it is really called "the office" but I know it is just a very small closet with a computer, calculator, desk, etc., packed in the only way it could be. If I could close the door and turn out the light, then it wouldn't be such a bad closet. No such luck.

Dan and I made it to Illinois and back this weekend for the bridal shower I was co-hosting with my sister-in-law. All went well. There was an interesting group of people there, and I just kind of hung out by the wall trying to watch and see if anyone needed anything while watching the clock and thinking of the drive back home that waited for us. Elizabeth got a lot of nice gifts and I think my nephew did quite well in the future spouse department; as did she, he's a great guy.

We went out to my mom's house to look for a lemonade pitcher (which we couldn't find) and I can't decide if I enjoyed that stop or not. I hated going in to the living room and seeing dead flies/bugs all over the floor. It already looks like it has been an empty house for years even though it has been less than 5 months. It is hard seeing some of her things in the exact spot where she left them and then seeing other stuff that is completely out of place. It is still just quite strange to me. There is still so much stuff to get out of there. That will be when it is the worst - when it's empty.

Isaac was home for spring break and it is always good to have him around. It is hard to believe that his first year of college is on its last hurrah. I think it has been really good for him - at least I hope it has. Carrie is off to California for her spring break and is hopefully having a nice time with friends. Destressing would be a good thing for her right now. It helps a person to see options more clearly.

I have been in one of those moods where the emotions are way too close to the surface for some reason. I'm not sure what it is from, but I am ready for it to be done. Maybe it is anxiously awaiting the spring. It would be nice to have some days with nothing to do. The problem is, half the time I go to bed and wonder what I've done, but then wake up thinking of all the things I need to do again. So, that just makes me want to sit and not do much of anything and thus, the cycle continues.

People keep walking past my closet door, so I guess this will have to come to an end for now. It seemed like there was much more I wanted to write, but now it is all just jumbled up in this crazy brain of mine so it will have to come out later.

Here's to flowers blooming and the grass being green - to warm sunshine and breezes and swings and grills and patio furniture with umbrellas...

JAH

It's Thursday!!

Okay - Thursday isn't usually known for excitement, but that's what day it is and I couldn't come up with a title that was any better.

Let's see - what's new...
I became a great-aunt again today. My niece Christine gave birth to an 8 pound 12 oz. baby boy who was named Jonathan Knox Fogus. Not sure what the middle name represents, if anything, but it sounds kinda cool. She had a pretty rough time of it as they actually began inducing her Tuesday morning. She ended up having a C-section today, but all is well in their world now. Two more babies on the way this summer. The circle continues...

Tomorrow I am heading out for the weekend to the exciting town of Findlay, Ohio. I, along with four other ladies from our church, am going to a women's retreat. We go each year and have a nice time just hanging out. Sometimes the speakers are good, sometimes really good and sometimes, like last year not so good. But, it is a chance to go back and visit the town where we lived for three years while Dan was in school and it is usually pretty low stress. I will be having to leave my wonderful husband, though, so that will definitely put the world in a different dimension for us. But, it always feels good to pull into the driveway Sunday morning and know I'll be met with his smile when I walk into church. Isaac will be there as well this week, so it will be good to have the whole clan together.

I actually have started doing a little bit of research about heading back to school. Just trying to see what kind of options are out there for me. That would help fulfill one of those resolutions I made way back at the beginning of the year.

We had a good Sunday School class last week and a good group last night for our Lenten Study. I feel like something I had been missing was found. People were really sharing some personal things and talking about how the stuff that goes on in our lives should be influenced by the fact that we call ourselves Christian. It is amazing to me when those times happen - whether it is in Sunday School or a study or even just in a conversation with a friend - and you can "feel" that something is different. I'm starting to ramble, but it is something that is very concrete when it happens.

Well, I need to start the process of getting ready for this weekend. Hope everyone out there is well.

Keep your hope radical-
JAH

It's My Birthday

Yes, today is my birthday. I am 43 years old. Crazy. I woke up with a feeling that I didn't want to get out of bed, but after several hits on the snooze button I did. Dan had the coffee made, which is always nice. I was also greeted with a wonderful birthday card and a box of Godiva chocolates. The wonderful part about the card was the updated version of the first poem Dan ever wrote to me - which was on birthday number 17. That was wonderfully cool. I then also received roses at work - which was wonderful and am about to head out to a nice dinner and a movie. To add to the mix - I got a nice birthday text from my daughter and a phone call from my son. I even got a birthday cake from the people I work with. Little did they know, it was a cake our family always referred to as "cherry goop" - my mom made it almost every Sunday. I also received some nice muffins and chocolate covered coffee beans from my good friend, Robin. Then...my husband wrote the most wonderful blog in honor of my birthday which literally brought tears to my eyes. What more can I say. Happy Birthday to me. Life is good.

It's Thursday

Today I am at work and feeling somewhat unmotivated, so I am taking my lunch break and trying to get caught up on the world of blogger. It seems as though many thoughts have been swirling around in my head since the last time I was here, but getting them out in an unjumbled mess is usually more than I can attempt...

CaliforniaThis was one interesting trip. The actual traveling part was too crazy to mention, but we made it so that is what counts. The weather was really nice and our accommodations were good as well. Dan and I got terribly sick after a so-so meal at a Mexican restaurant. He had to start Friday off taking wonderful care of me until he was soon sick as well. Then we just kind of looked sadly at each other across the space between our beds and were fortunate enough not to need the facilities at the same moment in time. We somewhat recovered by Saturday morning and at least got to spend some more time outside. The speakers we were able to hear were good and the music we were able to hear - Fernando Ortega and Todd Agnew - was phenomenal. I would definitely go back - sometime.

We had a really bit snowstorm. That is always interesting. I really tried to appreciate how pretty it all was before all or the snowplows and vehicles and eventual slush messed it up. It was kind of like trying to appreciate the ocean waves when it is kind of cold and rainy. Even in the midst of the storm, it was really kind of cool. I wonder, when Christ was walking here on the earth if He ever took the opportunity to really look at the world for the beauty it gives. I mean, I wonder if he ever laid outside in the grass on a nice summer night and looked up at the stars and thought how awesome it was. Or, if He was ever able to take the time and listen to the soothing sound of the ocean waves. I hope He did.

Well, the bells on the door keep ringing, so I should probably cut this off and go back to work. Yipee! Hope everyone out there is well.

JAH

Saturday

Today is Saturday. I've spent some time this morning trying to clean a little but mostly think a bit. I guess we all have things about ourselves that we don't really care for too much. Sometimes it can be our appearance or our surroundings, but sometimes is can be more "inner" things. Personality traits. Things that take more than a desire or a simple decision to change. So, I've thought about that this morning and wish I had some great revelation, but...mostly, well I'm still sitting here just thinking. For me anyway, when I'm face to face with these types of things, it kind of hits me from what would seem like a blind spot. Kind of like walking down the sidewalk and suddenly tripping over something that you missed seeing and suddenly there you are face down on the sidewalk wondering how you could have missed it. Especially, when you have done it before and thought you wouldn't do that again...or again...or...... What makes things worse is when you take someone down with you or feel like you've landed on top of them and you're not really sure how to help them or yourself back up. So there you have it. People laying on the sidewalk.

JAH

Trip Notes

Dan and I had a nice trip to Champaign with another couple from our church. We enjoyed the visit in the car and the conference was good. One of the things I took away from it was not just wanting to be a "good church member". You know, I show up on Sunday, I give money, I do some work, etc. I want to be a good disciple. Someone who is trying to capture and live the heart and vision of Christ. I also don't want to look at church with a consumer mindset. I think too many times today we have the attitude that if something isn't givig us what we want - we can find someplace that will. I think Christ was definitely a giver - not a taker. I don't want to be a taker. Don't get me wrong, I think we need to receive things from the church and from our fellow Christians, but there is something very different in receiving and in taking. Mainly, I think, selfishness. I also walked away wanting to expand my worldview more. I think I have started down this road, but this would be a road that never ends.

JAH

Heading Out

Dan and I are heading out of town for a night. I think the change of scenery will be nice. Then, in less than two weeks - it is California, here were come. I am really looking forward to this trip. It seems like I have been off of work quite a bit in the last couple of months - but none of the "vacations" have been much of that. Two weeks off when my mom had her heartache and then passed away. Then a week off at Christmas, most of which was spent cleaning out her house. I am ready for one of those vacation-type vacations. You know, where you actually get to spend time relaxing and just "hanging out". True, we will be attending a conference in California, but I'm hoping it will be pretty low-key and positive. Listening to a few ocean waves and taking a walk along the beach with my husband and best friend type stuff.

I can't remember if I had it on my "New Years List" or not, but I would really like to find a new job this year. The thing of it is, I don't want to just take a job to get out of the job I have. I have a feeling I would just be feeling the same way. I want to really start praying about it and thinking about it so that if something comes up, it will actually seem right - not just different. Anyway, just making a note to myself.

I have started reading the book of Acts. I came to the conclusion that if this is the book that describes the birth of the church and how it all began, it would be a good book to take another look at, and probably another and another. I think it is very telling about this thing called Christianity that something written 2000 years ago can still seem so awe-inspiring and overwhelming. I sometimes wonder if the authors of the Bible had any idea of the impact their words would still be having today. I mean, I can't imagine that a letter I had written would be the basis for so man y people's life choices. It's crazy - which is what makes it so much about faith. It's what makes me believe that when something is right, it proves itself to be true and relevant throughout time.

Here's to a faith where being radical is good.
JAH

Random Thoughts

Today my daughter stopped by work and I happened to ask her if there was anything she might want from my mom's house before it got sent to an auction house or some sort of sale. She named off a few pieces of furniture and said that she would like to have them if no one else in the family wanted them because she didn't want a stranger to buy them and have them. I had not really thought about the "stuff" at mom's in awhile, but suddenly realized that it would kind of bother me knowing that someone was using the chair we read stories in or using her and dad's bedroom set or sitting at our kitchen table. I momentarily tried convincing myself that some other family might be able to enjoy them like we did, but it didn't seem to last very long before I got really sad and told Dan that I really didn't want anyone else using their stuff. Now, realizing that we can't have a house full of stuff, I'm not really sure what to do about it. So, I guess that will be something to think about.

Someone I work with is getting a divorce. It all came on very suddenly for her and I feel quite bad about the whole thing. It is very interesting to me, however, how freely some people will give advice. When she asks my opinion, I'm almost afraid to say anything. I don't know her very well on a personal level and don't know her husband at all. My only great words of wisdom were not to rush in to anything and to keep in mind that they would both probably be saying a lot of exaggerated things that they don't really mean. (My mom always told me that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors, so I decided it wasn't a real good idea to give advice to someone when I was only hearing one side of a story that probably has several.) So, I guess I will try to listen and be encouraging but not make any drastic suggestions like I'm hearing so many people make.

Today I haven't felt the best and have basically been laying on the couch since arriving home from work. That wasn't really my plan for today, but Dan tells me we don't always get to make the plan. So, I guess I will go with it and have this be my big accomplishment for the day.

On a muscial note, I bought I CD last night by Norah Jones. I have only listened to it once and am not exactly sure how to describe, but I think I like it pretty well.

On that random thought, I will say goodbye...

JAH

Freedom, Peace & Hope

Today I received the bags I ordered from Better Way Imports. I have to say, they are pretty cool. It was pretty humbling to take them out of the box and realize the journey that someone had been on that brought it into existence. This was the tag on the bag:

This Freeset Bag tells a story of one women's journey to freedom. She used to stand with 6000 other prostitutes in a small but well known area of North Calcutta. She didn't choose her profession; it chose her. Poverty does that. It robs people of their dignity and children of their innocence. She still lives in the same area, but instead of selling her body she makes Freeset Bags. Now she has choices, the choice to work decent hours for decent pay, to re-establish her dignity in her community and to learn to read and write. Now her daughter won't have to stand in the street selling her body like her mum used to. Freedom has been passed on to the next generation. By purchasing this Freeset Bag, you have become part of the story of freedom. Thank you!

It really kind of choked me up. It is hard to imagine that sewing bags for people could change your life this much. I only hope that these women can now go to bed with a peace in their heart and a hope for the future now that they are free from this life of basic slavery. Slavery to their circumstance and to those who will use it to their own advantage.

I also ordered the documentary about their organization. I'll let you know how it is...

I wish for all of you the freedom, peace and hope that Christ can bring. I hope that all of us who claim His Name will be his agent for those in need.

JAH

A Better Way

I was reading an article - actually the cover story article - in Christianity Today about the problem of women being forced into prostitution in countries around the world. They estimate that over 6000 young women and girls are on the streets in Calcutta alone each day. The article estimated the daily revenue generated from these women was $4.1 million - most of which does not go into their pocket. Many of them are sold by their parents when they are basically children, some as young as 3, because they cannot feed them. Others are actually encouraged by their parents to sell themselves and then give the money to the family to help put a meal on the table. Somehow sitting in our nice warm home in Yoder makes this story quite distant, yet it has come to my attention through many people in my life, that these types of problems should be our concern as Christians. Dan and I have a beautiful daughter. I cannot even fathom her being forced into these types of actions or feeling as though it is her only means of survival. Many different agencies have begun to take action, not only to get these women help in the - be it most important - spiritual and emotional sense, but also to teach them other means of supporting themselves. One such group that caught my eye is called Freeset. They have taught women to make handbags with natural products that are readily available to them. They are now earning a wage of $52 a month plus benefits. I realize that seems more than meager to us in the US, but it is more than they could make anywhere else in that area. I actually purchased something off of their website at www.betterwayimports.com. I think the bags were actually pretty cool and unique looking and thought it would at one little thing I could do. How many times do we buy these types of things for ourselves or as gifts. Why not buy one that would have a story of hope and redemption and one that is helping to give a young woman the chance to know someone out there cares. I hope to be more conscious of these issues this year and more willing to research things a little more and shop a little wiser. So...if anyone out there is looking for a bag or a really unique gift bag - check it out and help out.

Day 6

It is now the 6th day of a new year and I'm beginning to think maybe this year, I have a few things I would like to accomplish. As I have said before, I'm not overly goal-specific oriented, but more attitude oriented. However, maybe one should rethink themselves from time to time and make adjustments where necessary. That being said, here are a few things I am actually putting in writing so that I will have something to go back and look at next year to see if this was a good idea after all. In no particular order of importance - here goes nothing: 1. I want to spend more time just hanging out with Dan and the kids. Maybe just go to a park or drive to Huntington or to Anderson for no particular reason. 2. I would like to take a class of some sort. It doesn't have to be a college class, but just a class for some self-enhancement. I would consider a photography class or even some sort of unique cooking class. 3. I would like to have people over to our home more. I actually do enjoy cooking a meal for people - it some how makes me feel creative. Sometimes I feel like our house is too small or that no one really wants to come over, but maybe I need to push through those thoughts and see what happens. 4. Although this is probably somewhat typical, I would like to bring a little more organization into our home, thus making item number 2 a bit more feasible. 5. I would like to exercise. Not necessarily to get into a smaller size - although if that happens... - but to feel better. To feel like I have some energy and so that someday, I can run around after grandkids if that happens to be a part of this life. 6. I want to go to an art museum. 7. I hope Dan and I can go to a "cool" concert somewhere this year. 8. I want to spend a bit more time reading and less time with the TV on. 9. I want to remember this list. 10. I want to get a grill and know how to use it. 11. I want to appreciate my husband and chilren more and make a conscious effort to let them know that. 12. I want to send people notes/cards more often. 13. I want to feel like I'm making a difference. Okay - I think that is more than enough for a list.

So there it is. I hope that along with wanting a more Christ-like attitude, I can do something about it.

Until next time -
JAH

A New Year

We are back home after a visit in Illinois. It was an interesting week with many ups and downs. Most of the week was spent going through the "stuff" at my mom's house. It seems strange to me that I actually spent so many years living in that house. Somehow it was hard to remember that being home. My old room is now the storage room and is filled with our stuff and my brother's stuff because we have too much stuff and not enough room. It doesn't seem like anyone's home so much anymore - just a place to sort through years of someone's life, sorting it into logical places where we can all decide if there is anything worth selling, keeping or just throwing it away. It all seemed quite clinical at times and it was just plain hard. I was so thankful that Dan was there and did so much work and gave me time to look at the little things I would find. It helped to see what was there one last time.

It's funny how you come across things and wonder why someone saved it. I wondered why something was important and just smiled at some things. I learned that although my mom never showed a lot of outward emotion - I think she was pretty sentimental at heart. She always teased my dad that he spent more on the big heart box than on the Valentine candy. But...in the back of her closet, were the heart boxes. I couldn't bear to throw them away anymore than she could. In her kitchen cupboards were many thank you notes she had received from her grandchildren. And yes, I can picture my mom on those quiet nights alone in the big house, getting them out and reading through them. Those were her little treasures.

Looking back over mom's life, there weren't any huge accomplishments by the standards of today's society. However, I would say she died with few regrets. There were things about her that drove me crazy - but I can only imagine how many things about me drive others crazy. I miss her letters. I hated seeing her spot in church empty. But, hopefully I can learn to be a litte more tolerant, see the good in people, enjoy the simple things in life and like her, realize that when you leave this earth - nothing goes with you but people will definitely remember what you left behind. Thanks mom - you did good.

It is hard to believe that another year has ended. Here it is 2007 - it seems like just yesterday that so much was being made over the computer crash that was sure to come at the end of 1999. I am not an overly goal-oriented person - not one to make lists or resolutions, so I don't have any great, specific declarations to make for this year. However, I hope overall to be the following: more like Christ; more loving to my husband whom I adore and to my children who are treasures; a better friend; more positive; more active in the world around me.

So, with that, the year begins...